IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that teaching children at home is the best for a children's development while others think it is important for children to go to school. Discuss both advantages of each method and give your own opinion.

#people #children #home #development #school #method
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Some people believe that teaching kids at home is
the
Change the article
apply
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convenient for their
thriveness
Correct your spelling
thrives
while
on the other
hand
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hand,
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 some argue that kids must go to
school
. In the following
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will demonstrate both advantages
each
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of each
show examples
 method.
As we
Correct word choice
We
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 believe that children
is
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are
show examples
 the future generation who have
right
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the right
show examples
 to gain knowledge in their
life
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lives
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,
however
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however,
show examples
 it will depend on how their
parents
 make
desicion
Correct your spelling
decisions
decision
 for their learning ways. When they are
on
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in
show examples
 their golden age,
parents
provides
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provide
show examples
 non-academic learning
such
 as attitude and social interaction that will be valuable in their daily
life
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lives
show examples
.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 when they are grown up it requires academic learning which involves wide knowledge that rarely can be taught by
parents
 and
from
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in
show examples
this
 case,
school
 is made for
this
 requirement. Both methods have
its
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their
show examples
 merits
due to
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apply
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it cannot be
choosen
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chosen
 one of them as the
children
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children's
show examples
 learning method should be
subsequent
Add an article
a subsequent
the subsequent
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 thread. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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parents
 have to give their children self
knowlede
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knowledge
 that cannot be gained from formal
school
 and when they are in the formal
school
this
 knowledge
such
 as self
awarenes
Correct your spelling
awareness
 acts for their ability to socialize with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Submitted by NIPEACENE on

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task achievement
The essay could be improved by providing specific examples to support the main points discussed. This will strengthen your arguments and help clarify your stance.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas, which will make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and gives an overview of the points to be discussed.
task achievement
The essay provides a reasonable discussion of both educational methods and acknowledges their importance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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