The leaders or directors of organizations are often elderly people. However, some say that young people can also take the lead of organizations or companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organizations #people #say #lead #companies

It is argued that the senior management of organizations are often people

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are older

compare

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

to their peers. Meanwhile, others claimed that young people can be the

leader

Fix the agreement mistake

leaders

show examples

of companies. I support the idea of the latter statement. One of the reasons why elderly people were chosen to lead an organization is

due to

their experience. They could bring their knowledge to the team

while

also

able

Add a missing verb

being able

show examples

to manage multiple types of groups or members.

However

, firms

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

overly rely on

this

type of manager, which makes them find themselves in a difficult position to replace the individual. It is well known that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Indonesia's government find it hard to replace a member of the cabinet since they tend to assign

Correct article usage

the

show examples

same role to the same person over the years. Meanwhile, an argument that a young person could be a leader can be supported by several advantages. One of the benefits is that they tend to be more innovative

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to their older colleagues.

That is

why, the leaders in

startup

Fix the agreement mistake

startups

show examples

Sillicon

Correct your spelling

Silicon

Valley tend to be someone who is less than 50 years old.

However

, they have a tendency to be more emotional and reckless.

Thus

, it is important for them to

learned

Change the form of the verb

learn

show examples

from a mentor in order for them to grow their abilities. In conclusion, having young leaders can be beneficial as their innovative aspects can outweigh the experience of the older leaders.

Nevertheless

, it is important for them to continue learning from someone with much more skills so they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

still

developed

Change the verb form

develop

show examples

their talent.

Submitted by auliahakim0001 on Sat Nov 09 2024

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task achievement

To improve task achievement, consider expanding your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations to thoroughly support your viewpoint.

coherence cohesion

Work on providing clear transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay.

language accuracy

To address minor language inaccuracies, review subject-verb agreement and adjective/adverb use for more precision.

coherence cohesion

You have included an introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

task achievement

The essay attempts to balance both perspectives, which is important in providing a comprehensive discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The leaders or directors of organizations are often elderly people. However, some say that young people can also take the lead of organizations or companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now “one big traffic jam”. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from owning cars?

some people think that public libraries are no longer necessary, while others believe that public libraries still perform useful functions.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?