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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010.
The graph demonstrates the amount earned by
graduates
Use synonyms
 of different
age
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 groups weekly in 2002. It includes those with a
degree
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, with a higher grade, and with other qualifications. The key feature shows that the number of first-
degree
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graduates
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 from different
age
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 groups earned different amounts of money. The ones from the 21-25
age
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group
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 earned just about 350£
while
Linking Words
 the
graduates
Use synonyms
 from the 36-45
age
Use synonyms
group
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 earned the most, 690£.
In addition
Linking Words
, the highest upward trend was registered for those with other qualifications. The people between 21 and 25 years earned 410£, which is more than the first
degree
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graduates
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
graduates
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 with other qualifications with ages between 36 and 40 earned 810£ weekly, which is £ 400 more than the other
age
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group
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. The
graduates
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 with a higher
degree
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 have the lowest weekly earnings, attributed to the people between ages 21 and 25, and the highest one for the ones in the range of 40 years old to 45, who earned 750£.
Overall
Linking Words
, the weekly earnings of full-time graduate employees by type of
degree
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 and
age
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, climbed gradually from ages 21-25 to generally the ones in the 36-45
age
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group
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 earning the most in 2002.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, age, degree, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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