Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

#parents #levels #violence #tv #video #games #entertainments #children #leisure

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These days, parents are worried about the increasing level of

violence

Use synonyms

video

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

and other forms of

entertainments

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainment

show examples

for

children

Use synonyms

. I believe that

violence

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has a harmful effect on the

behaviours

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and thoughts of

children

Use synonyms

. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem,

children

Use synonyms

should get alternative sources of entertainment which will be appropriate for their

ages

Use synonyms

and suitable for their

development

Use synonyms

Violence

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programs and

video

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games

Use synonyms

negetively

Correct your spelling

negatively

affects the thoughts of

children

Use synonyms

Violence

Add an article

The violence

show examples

portrayed on

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and

Use synonyms

video

Change preposition

in video

show examples

games

Use synonyms

directly

effects

Replace the word

affects

show examples

the minds of

children

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. It creates a negative

mindsets

Correct the article-noun agreement

mindset

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

them and restricts them

to think

Change preposition

from thinking

show examples

positively.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

violence

Use synonyms

effects

Replace the word

affects

show examples

children

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behaviours

Use synonyms

as well. They try to mimic those

Use synonyms

violence

Replace the word

violent

show examples

activities and it reflects on their

behaviours

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For example

Linking Words

, in 2029, a

13-years-old

Correct your spelling

13-year-old

child in India

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

watched a

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show named "Crime Petrol" which portrayed

violence

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. After watching

violence

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, that child attempted to murder his younger sister with a knife. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem,

children

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should be provided with alternative recreational sources which are appropriate for their

ages

Use synonyms

and

development

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. They should get age-appropriate materials

such

Linking Words

books

Use synonyms

, toys, and other stuff for entertainment.

In addition

Linking Words

, these materials should be appropriate for their

development

Use synonyms

. The

books

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should have topics related to their

ages

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and the toys and playing materials should be safe and suitable for their

development

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For example

Linking Words

, in Japan,

children

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read

books

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of fairy tales which are appropriate for their

ages

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. They are free from watching violent

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

children

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should not watch harmful

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shows and play

video

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games

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because they negatively affect their thoughts and

behaviours

Use synonyms

Children

Use synonyms

should be involved in alternative sources of entertainment

such

Linking Words

as reading

books

Use synonyms

and playing age-appropriate

games

Use synonyms

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Sun Nov 10 2024

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Task Achievement

You have provided a well-written introduction with a clear thesis statement. However, try to avoid repeating similar phrases, such as 'age-appropriate,' to enhance clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Using linking words and phrases like 'moreover' and 'in addition' strengthens your argument. Ensure each paragraph fully supports the main point to improve logical flow.

Task Achievement

Adding more examples or evidence would provide a better explanation of your points, especially in the solutions paragraph. This would strengthen your argument and help you achieve a higher score.

Coherence and Cohesion

Effective use of linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

Coherence and Cohesion

Clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Task Achievement

The example of the child in India effectively illustrates the argument about the impact of violent content on behavior.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
9
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

283 words

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Some parents are worried about increasing levels of violence in TV,Video games and other entertainments for Children's leisure. how does this affects the children? how do you think this can be tackled?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Genetic engineering and modification techniques are becoming more advanced, raising ethical questions. What are the advantages and disadvantages of genetic modification?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in reach countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem . Provide specific reason and examples to support your answer.

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because advertising makes individuals less satisfied with what they are and have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.