IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Nowadays,many indiviudials tend to
work
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 in the long term,
while
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,many scientists and physcologists believe that leisure activites are essential to create a balance in life. I believe the cons are more in terms of pros, and I will discuss all that in
this
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 essay. On the one hand,many folks prefer to
work
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 for a quite week without rest,
besides
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,they like to collect more money for conveninet and comfortable living,
for instance
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 :if you have to buy a precious house ,or going to best holiday in aborad,they will
work
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 more,
furthermore
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,many public like to purchase expensive goods
such
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 as luxary brands,Lv,Dior,Gucci and so on.
consequently
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,many people for arrived to
work
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 occupation harder.they love earn many things in the younger age .
On the other hand
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,
work
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 for a long
time
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 cause will damege seurious health for a long run.leisure activites will help to be activited and full of energyic for a long
time
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 specially in the weekend,althought many people prefer to
work
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 longer and longer,but after a short
time
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 they have feel stress and unhappy mood and in the life .
for example
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 :if you have a job which working for seven days a week,you are tiredness and depressed.
as a result
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:citizenry have allocate a special
time
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 for rest
time
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 . In conclusion:
however
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, many population prefer to overwork rather than some fun times,but in
this
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 essay illustrated that
work
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time
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 equall and necessary and spending
time
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 for the intreast should
also
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 be superiority and priority .
Submitted by pardisghobadi on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to organize your ideas, and ensure your introduction and conclusion summarize your main arguments succinctly.
task achievement
Improve your grammar and sentence structure to enhance the clarity of your argument. This will help make your ideas more comprehensible to the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you can share statistics or personal anecdotes to make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the pros and cons of working long hours, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the position you will take in the essay, setting the stage for the subsequent discussion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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