IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
Public
services
 are in need of
funds
 from the governments. Even though institutions are allocating enormous amounts of money to arts, it might not be sufficient with regard to covering the expenses of public
services
. Despite these concerns, I am inclined to believe that the governments must equally distribute the wealth among the differing
services
,
such
 as culture, arts, and science, among others. Culture stems from the nation's history and folklore. Even habits our ancestors used to have back in the day are registered in many songs or art pieces.
Therefore
, it is crucial for our future development that these traditions keep being known to the next generations. By allocating
funds
 with regard to art, the country's roots will be promoted and every individual is bound to know where they come from. By saying
this
, preserving our history would make a remarkable impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our society.
On the other hand
, public
services
play
Add a missing verb
do play
show examples
 not
trifling
Correct article usage
a trifling
show examples
 role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society nowadays.
Hence
, public transportation, health care or road infrastructure are essential. Even though the development with regard to these issues is not achieved equally among all of them, by perceiving more
funds
 these can be winded down. Following all the points mentioned above, it's important for a government to balance the expenditure on either concerns, arts and public
services
. By correctly allocating
funds
 among these two investments, a more developed country is bound to be seen in the foreseeable future.
Submitted by dar.rodriguez.ramos on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Include specific examples to support your points. For instance, cite instances where government support for the arts has positively impacted society.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contributes clearly to your overall argument. Consider connecting your points more explicitly to whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your arguments and ideas thoroughly to ensure clarity and depth. Currently, some arguments could be expanded further for a more comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
complete response
The response presents a balanced view, acknowledging different perspectives on government funding priorities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!