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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph shows the comparison of the
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female employees in South
Korea
Use synonyms
,
Canada
Use synonyms
, and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 from 2005 to 2015. In 2005,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 was the
country
Use synonyms
 with the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of male
workers
Use synonyms
 at 79%. Not only that, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
workers
Use synonyms
 was
also
Linking Words
 quite large at 45%.
In addition
Linking Words
, South
Korea
Use synonyms
 was the second
country
Use synonyms
 with the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of male
workers
Use synonyms
 at 75%.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
workers
Use synonyms
 was the smallest of the three states at 30%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, male
workers
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 are the smallest in
number
Use synonyms
, only 60%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, female
workers
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 had a slightly smaller difference with
Sweden
Use synonyms
 at 40%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, employment rates in 2015 had little development in each region. The male
workers
Use synonyms
 in South
Korea
Use synonyms
 still have the largest
number
Use synonyms
 at 80%.
However
Linking Words
, female
workers
Use synonyms
 were the smallest
number
Use synonyms
 in that year by 35%. Male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 have a slight increase in numbers at 70% and 55%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the male
workers
Use synonyms
 in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 had the same
number
Use synonyms
 at 70%, and the
number
Use synonyms
 of female
workers
Use synonyms
 was 50% of the employees. In conclusion, the development of the
country
Use synonyms
 affects people's interest in working in each
country
Use synonyms
. South
Korea
Use synonyms
 is the
country
Use synonyms
 with the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of stable jobs every year.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, korea, canada, sweden, country, workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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