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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart displays detailed information about the
employment
Use synonyms
rates
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 of male and female
employees
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 in
Canada
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, South Korea, and
Sweden
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 during the past ten years, from 2005 to 2015. Based on the chart, we can see there were two different trends.
Sweden
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 was the only country that experienced a slight fall
for
Change preposition
in
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 the
employment
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rates
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 of male workers, which
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 gently from around 78% in 2005 to 70% in 2015.
This
Linking Words
 minor fall gave
Sweden
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 the same percentage as
Canada
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 by the end of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
employment
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rates
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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female
employees
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 encountered a rapid growth from 45% to 50%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
employment
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rates
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 of both male and female workers in
Canada
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 and South Korea increased, as
Canada
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 experienced a slight increase from 61% to 70% for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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male
employees
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, and for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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female
employees
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 from 38% to 52%.
While
Linking Words
 the
employment
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rates
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 for male workers in South Korea encountered a minor increase, making it the highest percentage
compare
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compared
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 to the other countries by the end of the period. In conclusion, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employement
Correct your spelling
employment
rates
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 continued to increase for the majority of countries, except for
Sweden
Use synonyms
 which experienced a minor dip.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rates, employees, canada, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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