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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village lberaries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarize the information and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village lberaries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarize the information and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #books #four #months #village #lberaries #percentage #type #time #information #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the number of
books
Use synonyms
 that people borrowed from villages namely,
West
Use synonyms
 Eaton, Ryeslip, Sutton
wood
Capitalize word
Wood
show examples
 and Church Mount in four
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
months in 2014.
Along with
Linking Words
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of subjects of the
books
Use synonyms
 which
given
Add the auxiliary verb
are given
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the pie chart.
Overall
Linking Words
, at a glance
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the two figures, it
is appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
West
Use synonyms
 Eaton was a leader in June.
while
Linking Words
 the Sutton
wood
Capitalize word
Wood
show examples
 got
this
Linking Words
 position in September.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it seems that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fiction
books
Use synonyms
 were the most popular types among the village residents
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during
this
Linking Words
 period. Let's begin by looking at the line graph, in June, the
West
Use synonyms
 Eatonthe residents
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lent 300
books
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the highest number of
books
Use synonyms
 in comparison to
other village
Change the wording
another village
other villages
show examples
.
Meanwile
Correct your spelling
Meanwhile
, the Sutton wood was suited in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place with 250
and as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by the Church Mount and the Ryeslip at around 50
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. It is interesting,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
that while
show examples
 borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 from the
West
Use synonyms
 Eatonthe significantly plunged by September
less
Change preposition
to less
show examples
 than 200 , the number of
book
Change to a plural noun
books
show examples
 which individuals from other
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
 borrowed increased in September
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared with
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
July.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the pie chart provides information on the
distrubution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 of types of
Add an article
the book
show examples
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 borrowed that was mentioned in the above paragraph, the most widespread subject was fiction 43%, the second most
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
belong
Wrong verb form
belonged
show examples
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Biology
also
Linking Words
, by followed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
History,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Science and Self-help at 14%, 14% and 10% respectively.
Submitted by mahyarnaseri on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words books, west with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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