Nowadays many families move overseas for job opportunities. some people think this is beneficial for the childrens of this families, while other think children will find it difficus. discuss both views and give your oppinion

The opportunities to work abroad are more today than they have ever been in the history of mankind. The big planet
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
has become a small global village and sovereign barriers seem to have disappeared.
While
working in a foreign country, some individual take their family with them.
This
situation has
both
merits
as well as
demerits but
definitely
Add a comma
definitely,
show examples
the pros outweigh the cons There are many obvious benefits of going abroad to work
along with
family.
To begin
with, individuals have more bonding with the family, the family relationship is not weekend by distance, some
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
show examples
finally
end
Change the verb form
ends
show examples
up in divorce, as one or
both
of them cannot adjust in
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
country and return home thereby missing the golden opportunity of working abroad. the most important point is that children, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young ages, need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
care from
both
parents. childhood is a crucial phase of life and comes only once. If the children are deprived of one of the
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
love, it may have a considerable impact on their psyche.
Therefore
working abroad with the family can provide complete love and care to the children.
On the other hand
, there are some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
working abroad with families.
To begin
with, living with family members abroad means more expense. A single person can share a room with someone in the initial stages but a complete family needs a proper house. what is more, all the
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
face
stress
Correct article usage
the stress
show examples
of adaption to alien surroundings parents themselves feel
cultural
Change the word
culturally
show examples
shook
Wrong verb form
shaken
show examples
and
therefore
cannot help their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
To conclude
, there are
both
advantages and disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
any choice of
this
issue. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that people should decide
according to
their specific circumstances
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if there are financial
constrains
Correct your spelling
constraints
show examples
,
then
it is better to go alone
initially
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
the family should be called as early as
possibe
Correct your spelling
possible
.
Submitted by bhat.shweta17 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to further elaborate on points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas clearly and logically throughout the essay.
language
Make sure to use accurate vocabulary and vary your sentence structures for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion framing the essay topic.
task achievement
The essay explores both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a personal opinion, which is essential for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: