Band 7+: The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart shows the
proportion
of physical exercise in men and women in Australia that has been done regularly from ages
around 15 years old to over 65 years old in 2010, which are divided into 6 age groups. Overall
, the pattern of men
category Correct article usage
the men
was fluctuate
in Wrong verb form
fluctuated
diferrent
age groups, Correct your spelling
different
whereas
the female pattern experienced a subtle increase.
Females aged around 15 to 24 years old had the percentage of 47,7%, which only had a slight difference with ages
of 65 and over that was 47,1% and placed as the smallest proportion
in women
category. Meanwhile, Correct article usage
the women
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
of
45 to 54 had the biggest Change preposition
apply
proportion
that was 53,3 %, which only had 0,3
% difference with Correct article usage
a 0,3
ages
55 to 64 as
Change preposition
in
the
second place.
Correct article usage
apply
In contrast
, the proportion
of male physical activity was generally lower than females. It only had 52,8% as the highest proportion
in ages
15 to 24, while
the average of other age groups was significantly below the women's percentages. Even though, males aged 65 and over that
was 46,7% nearly hit the females' Correct pronoun usage
apply
proportion
in the same group.
female
maleSubmitted by hanalyaa29 on
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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