IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You recently made a journey by train. When you got on the train, you realised you had left a bag on the platform. Write a letter to the station manager. In your letter: • give details of where and when you left the bag • describe the bag and its contents • suggest how you could get the bag back

#minutes #journey #train #bag #platform #station #manager #contents
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Dear SIR or MADAM, I am
writting
Correct your spelling
writing
 to report a
bag
 I left on the platform
in
Change preposition
on
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 my
last
 journey.I hope you might be able to help me to recover my
bag
. The accident was on 8th October on
4
Correct article usage
the 4
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platform
Change to a plural noun
platforms
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 at 11am when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 had a train from
Chisnau
Correct your spelling
Chisinau
 to Iasi.
This
 accident was in Moldova .I left my
bag
 when
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 went to
shop
Correct article usage
the shop
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 to buy
a
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apply
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water and after
i
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I
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returnt
Correct your spelling
returned
return
,
i
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I
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didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
 find my baggage.
Moreover
, where
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 put my
bag
 ,
werent
Correct your spelling
weren't
 video cameras .
Probable
Change the word
Probably
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,
someone
Correct word choice
because someone
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take
Wrong verb form
took
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 my
bag
 or
i
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I
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 forgot where
i
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I
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put
Correct pronoun usage
put it
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.
In addition
, a simple
information
Correct quantifier usage
piece of information
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 about my baggage is it is a small one ,it has wheels ,
this
 colour is black and on him write ,
,
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apply
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Nike,
,
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apply
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.In my backpack were my clothes and my laptop, nothing special.
In final
Rephrase
Finally
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,if you
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 my baggage please write me a
mesage
Correct your spelling
message
 and inform me about it and after
i
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I
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 return from
journey
Correct article usage
the journey
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will come
at
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to
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 the station and will pick up it. If you have any questions in relation to
this
 ,please do not hesitate to contact me, Yours faithfully, Braga Daniel
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by maintaining a clearer flow in describing the events and steps you took after realizing the bag was missing.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer paragraph breaks to separate different points, such as details of where/when, description of the bag, and your suggestion to resolve the issue.
task achievement
The letter provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing all necessary details: where and when the bag was left, description, and suggestion for getting it back.
task achievement
The tone is appropriate for a letter to a station manager, with a polite and formal approach.
coherence cohesion
A clear opening and closing is provided, maintaining coherence throughout.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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