IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #money #oil #world #resources #sources #power #wind
The search for new sources of
oil
 is responsible for an immense expenditure each year. In my opinion, it is of paramount importance that money should be invested
on
Change preposition
in
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 the development of other
power generating
Add a hyphen
power-generating
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 mechanisms since there are two major drawbacks
of
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to
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this
 resource extraction.
Firstly
, it is important to consider that
oil
 is a finite resource. In
another words
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another word
other words
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,
this
 means that eventually the world will run out of
oil
 and the multiple machines that depend on that will become obsolete. Since
this
 date is difficult to estimate, it is sensible that ways to contour
this
 lack should be developed quickly. If possible, renewable sources
such
 as
wind powered
Add a hyphen
wind-powered
show examples
 or solar energy should be preferred so that
this
 cycle does not repeat itself.
Secondly
, the extraction of
oil
 is probably going to get harder and more expensive with time. Once
oil
 has to be extracted from the internal
layers
 of the Earth, it is presumable that the outer
layers
 will be the first ones to be exploited and that with time there will only be
oil
 left in the deeper
layers
 of the planet. Reaching these
layers
require
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requires
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a much more technologic and robust machinery
Remove the article
much more technologic and robust machinery
a piece of much more technologic and robust machinery
show examples
 and,
therefore
,
also
 much more expensive.
This
spent
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spending
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 could
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 avoided by the development of other cheaper power sources sooner. In conclusion, I strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that investing
on
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in
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 new methods of energy generation is better than investing in the
oil
 industry. Solar and
wind generated
Add a hyphen
wind-generated
show examples
 power are the best options for the future and should be developed and spread as soon as possible.
Submitted by lurh on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider including more examples or evidence from real-life situations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, providing a clearer connection between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and strong introduction, outlining the main argument effectively.
supported main points
Main points are supported with reasoned arguments, particularly regarding the finite nature of oil and the costs of extraction.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively concludes by reiterating the main argument, emphasizing the need for investment in renewable energy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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