Topic: Crime rate in most countries is often higher in urban areas than rural areas. why do you think that is? what can be done to reduce crime rate?

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About the reason for higher crime rates in cities than in rural areas,I want to talk about density and mobility
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

firstly
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first

Firstly seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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.City populations are densely packed and highly mobile,leading to relatively
unfamilar
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unfamiliar

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and complex relationships between people.Bad
behavior
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behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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is more easily spread,and the opportunities for crime increase
accordinly
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accordingly

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.
Then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

I
woule
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would

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like to say something about cultural diversity and value conflicts.Cities bring together various cultures and values,leading to value conflicts and confusion,thereby triggering criminal
behavior
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behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.
About
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As

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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some strategies to reduce crime rates,strengthening education and employment
traaining
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training

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are
the
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a

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good way.

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Task Achievement
To improve, consider starting with an introductory paragraph that outlines the general issue of crime rates in urban versus rural areas. This will help set the stage for your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates the solutions to ensure the reader takes away a clear message from your essay.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points about crime rates and potential solutions. This will make your argument more compelling and grounded.
Task Achievement
You address relevant factors such as population density, cultural diversity, and value conflicts, showing a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay attempts to logically link causes of crime with suggestions for remedying these issues, which is effective in maintaining coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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