IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society?

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It has been shown around the globe in recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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 that seniors do not receive enough respect from younger
people
Use synonyms
. The impacts
from
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of
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economy
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economic
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 changes and
technology
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technological
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 development play a significant role that
affects
Wrong verb form
affecting
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 youngsters' mindset, and lacking of generosity and humbleness
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
 can be a concerned issue in a society.
Economy
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The economy
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 is one of the impacts that
has
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have
show examples
 an
affect
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effect
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 on how young individuals view their
ancesters'
Correct your spelling
ancestors'
 perspective as their income
is obviously incline
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is obviously inclined
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 more than the
ancesters
Correct your spelling
ancestors
 could obtain in the past.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is considered as a major revenue in a household where they think it allows them to do whatever they want without
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
show examples
 toward elderlies.
Moreover
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,
technology
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technological
show examples
 improvement enables youngsters to have more capabilities to do something
while
Linking Words
 older
people
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited
knowlodge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to bargain with their children. My niece,
for example
Linking Words
, spent
time
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of time
show examples
 on electronic devices a lot till she could give suggestions to her parents but with an impatient
emotion
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emotional
show examples
 expression when the parents learnt slowly. When
people
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, both adolescents and adults, lack
of
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apply
show examples
generosity and modesty, they
prone
Add a missing verb
are prone
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 to express their feelings
incontrollably
Correct your spelling
uncontrollably
 and
this
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 can be seen as
a
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apply
show examples
rudeness and easily judged by
a
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apply
show examples
society. Without
an
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apply
show examples
sufficient respect
to
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for
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
, residents will stop caring about others' feelings which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to a tragedy, at the maximum point. Most
of
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apply
show examples
East Asia countries seriously take priority of a hierarchy into consideration in order to organise their societies,
for instance
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.
Thus
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, the citizens, including Thai residents, can share
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives living in public together without a catastrophe.
To conclude
Linking Words
, insufficient respect towards elderlies is caused by the change
of
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in
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economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and
advancement
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the advancement
show examples
 of technology nowadays. These have a good chance
to damage
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of damaging
show examples
 societies when adolescents lose their modest characteristics.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main arguments.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main thesis with evidence and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas. Use linking words to guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay discusses multiple factors contributing to insufficient respect for older people and their societal impacts.
task achievement
The example of your niece effectively illustrates a point about technology and generational respect.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a suitable introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social structures
  • nuclear families
  • extended family
  • intergenerational respect
  • dual-income households
  • technological advancements
  • perception
  • value shifts
  • vigor
  • innovation
  • increased mobility
  • neglected
  • mental health
  • generational divide
  • misunderstandings
  • stereotypes
  • social fabric
  • healthcare strain
  • inadequate care
  • quality of life
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