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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young people regularly change their jobs over the years. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #change #jobs #years
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In recent years many young generation frequently
change
Use synonyms
 their occupation. There are both pros and cons of
this
Linking Words
 growing trend which will be discussed
further
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 in the following paragraphs before providing a personal comprehensive conclusion. I would claim
to
Change preposition
that changing
show examples
change
Use synonyms
 jobs
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 advantageous than drawbacks. On the one hand, there are numerous
of
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apply
show examples
upsides which will consider of changing career among young
people
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 over the period. First and foremost,
aspect
Correct article usage
the aspect
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 of skill development since many
people
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 become different
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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for achieving
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to achieve
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 more life skills in several choice
filed
Correct your spelling
fields
show examples
, and want to find
place
Add an article
a place
the place
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 which great lots of
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities for
generation
Add an article
a generation
the generation
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 which came from university or colleges within good financial stability.
For instance
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, by changing knowledge , they can establish
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 which
collected
Add a missing verb
are collected
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 by different careers.
Additionally
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,
switching
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by switching
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 jobs, young
people
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 may get rid of in high-stress environments, reducing the risk
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 burnout and keeping their motivation high.
As well as
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,
job
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transforming
Replace the word
transformation
show examples
,
people
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 comprehend various
of
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apply
show examples
industries which can make them more versatile and capable of working in interdisciplinary fields.
On the other hand
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, there are kind of downsides
which
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in which
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 adults
change
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 their first
filed
Correct your spelling
field
show examples
 to another one regularly.
Firstly
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, lack of interest first choosing
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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 because most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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 go the university or
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
by
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because
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 ambition. Most of the parents said"
you
Capitalize word
You
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 should like
this
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 academy because of high-salary " do not look
children's
Unnecessary verb
children
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 themselves.
Furthermore
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, perception of disloyalty, employers might view frequent
job
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 changes as a lack of commitment which could affect a young person's reputation. As an illustration,
this
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 notion has been proven by the recent research that was carried out by scientists
of
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at
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 California State University. They
conducted
Verb problem
found
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 that many Australian adults
changes
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
fascinating
Replace the word
fascination
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as well as
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 low-level financial sides mainly
people
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of
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apply
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20 - 25 years old . In conclusion, even though young
people
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 their
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 day by day with some benefits like life development and
for
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apply
show examples
releasing anxiety among
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 knowledgeable colleagues, the other viewpoint which emphasizes
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
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willing
Replace the word
willingness
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as well as
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 financial insecurity should not be overlooked.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single, clear idea to improve logical structure. You currently have a mix of ideas that can be separated to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by evenly discussing both the advantages and disadvantages in the essay. Currently, there is more emphasis on the advantages.
task achievement
Use varied examples to further illustrate your main points and reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which effectively frames the essay and its arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments made, giving it more depth.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, with useful examples to illustrate the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic workplace
  • job-hopping
  • job opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • job market
  • job satisfaction
  • work-life balance
  • higher salaries
  • career progression
  • diverse skill set
  • work cultures
  • professional asset
  • stability
  • commitment
What to do next:
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