IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic. In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past?

#topic #parts #world #families #people #children #part
It would seem that after
such
 an extensive list of disadvantages, it would be simply stupid to talk about the possible "advantages" of living in the
village
, but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 it is impossible to deny the very fact of their existence. The same familiar aspect of
life
 in any
village
 that everyone knows well about each other is actually not so bad, because everyone in the
village
 is almost a family to each other, always ready to help, prompt, lend something or even forgive for some oversight, as they do in any normal family. Constant warm
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 to each other, regular visits, joint walks and other leisure activities spent in the company of friends in the
village
 community will seem the warmest and most native. There is no need to talk about
such
 a situation in cities, as you understand.
In addition
, it is worth saying that villages are thousands of times cleaner than cities: forests, fields, rivers, lakes, and sometimes mountains are everywhere. The view of
such
 natural expanses is always pleasing to the eye and brightens the soul. In fact, the fact that I have cited more negative aspects of
life
 in the
village
 than positive ones already suggests that villages are not even worth considering, but
this
 will be a mistake. After all,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
life
 in the city, that
life
 in the
village
 is full of its pros and cons, the main thing remains only what your soul lies more towards and where you yourself want to live more.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses the topic given. While your essay discusses village life, the task requires an analysis of large family dynamics in the past. Stay focused on the specific topic to achieve a higher score in Task Response.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. An introduction, thesis statement, and a summarizing conclusion can greatly enhance clarity and coherence.
task response
Use specific examples and details to support your points. Although you did mention some aspects of village life, relating them more directly to the benefits or challenges of being part of a large family would strengthen your argument.
task response
The essay includes vivid descriptions of village life, highlighting the sense of community and connection among residents.
coherence cohesion
You make use of comparison between rural and urban living, which shows ability to evaluate different settings.
coherence cohesion
The language used in the essay is friendly and descriptive, drawing the reader into the narrative of village life.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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