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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production in france

the pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production in france
#show #comparison #kinds #energy #production #france
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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two pie graphs illustrate the proportion of 5 different types of
energy
Use synonyms
 resources in France in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 it is evident that the most significant segment in both years is coal, both nuclear and other
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 accounted for the lowest percentage among other types of
energy
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a significant decrease was seen in petrol,
whereas
Linking Words
 nuclear and other
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 almost doubled over the period. In the year 1995, the chart shows that coal
constitutes
Wrong verb form
constituted
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 29.80% of the total.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, gas and petrol make up 29.63% and 29.27% respectively. These three segments together account for almost 90%, indicating their dominance in the distribution. The smallest contribution comes from both nuclear and other
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
, with only 10.3%.
This
Linking Words
 highlights the relatively minor role of them in the
overall
Linking Words
 distribution.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2005 the percentage of coal and gas remained relatively unchanged with
slight
Add an article
a slight
show examples
 increase to 30.93% and 30.31% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, nuclear and other
energy
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 showed crucial growth in the final year,
while
Linking Words
 nuclear
energy
Use synonyms
contributes
Wrong verb form
contributed
show examples
 10.10% of the total, other
sources
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
constitute
Wrong verb form
constituted
show examples
 9.10% of the whole
energy
Use synonyms
 in 2005. A dramatic decline in the contribution of petrol
energy
Use synonyms
 was seen in 2005 which accounted for only 19.55%.
Submitted by saif_omar98 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, sources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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