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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live as a separate minority group with different lifestyles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #country #culture #minority #group #lifestyles
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People
 who
changed
Wrong verb form
change
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 their
a
Correct article usage
apply
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country
 to a new
country
 should acquire modern
culture
 in the foreign
country
, some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of
people
 have
this
 point of view,
while
 others think that they
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 live as a different type of group with dissimilar lifestyles. I reckon that the
people
 who have changed their
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
own
country
 to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 one, they are should mostly learn about
culture
Add an article
the culture
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 of a new
country
.
To begin
wtih
Correct your spelling
with
, the first set of
people
 should put themselves in an atmosphere and a new
culture
.
For instance
,
people
 who
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
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 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
culture
 of the
country
, most of them will get some response from
a
Correct article usage
apply
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native
people
such
 as
this
 person
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
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 about
an
Remove the article
apply
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our
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
culture
, that makes him more
intellegent
Correct your spelling
intelligent
.
In addition
, when a non-native candidate applies for a job ,it is beneficial to them
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
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 about local
culture
 in most situations.
For example
, they know about
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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products that make for cultural rituals,
Submitted by erkasiet2008 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main argument is clearly stated and revisited throughout the essay. Try to provide a balanced discussion with evidence supporting both views before drawing a well-rounded conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph develops one main idea with clear topic sentences and use linking words to connect your ideas, providing a smooth progression of thought.
coherence cohesion
You introduce the topic effectively by acknowledging the two opposing viewpoints, which sets a clear stage for your discussion.
task achievement
You attempt to provide examples that relate to real-life situations, which strengthens your argument and relevance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • integration: The process of combining into an integral whole; cultural or social integration into a new society.
  • harmonious: Marked by agreement in feeling, attitude, or action.
  • cultural exchange: The sharing and learning of different cultural practices and ideas among groups.
  • identity: The fact of being who or what a person or thing is; cultural identity relates to a sense of belonging to a culture.
  • multicultural: Relating to or including many different cultures.
  • assimilation: The process of taking in and fully integrating into another culture.
  • diversity: The inclusion of different types of people with different traits or cultures in a group or organization.
  • cultural understanding: Awareness and acceptance of different cultures.
  • minority group: A group of people who differ from the larger group in a society based on cultural, ethnic, religious, or linguistic traits.
  • cultural preservation: The act of maintaining and protecting cultural beliefs, practices, and languages.
  • social cohesion: The bonds or ‘glue’ that bring people in a society together.
  • cultural adaptation: Adjusting and adapting to a new culture without completely abandoning one's own cultural practices.
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