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Band 4

The given three line graphs demonstrate data on the amount of Australian dollars in Australian business with China, Japan, and the US between 2004 and 2009.

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The given 3 line graphs demonstrate data about the how much cost of Australian dollars in
this
 trade with China,
Japan
 and the USA in import and expert categories between 2004 and 2009.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that China's exports and
imports
 increased noticeably;
similarly
,
Japan
's
imports
 went up the same, but the USA
imports
 and exports
as well as
Japan
's
imports
 remained almost unchanged throughout the period of 5
years
, starting from 2004. When it comes to Australian trade in
Japan
 former and later in the 5
years
, beginning from 2009,
then
, they climbed noticeably from 1200000000 and 19 billion to 3500000000 and 31 billion, respectively, in the period between 2004 and 2009, but the former reached the dominance;
likewise
, the exporting of
Japan
 experienced a considerable rise from 2000000000 to 29 billion from 2004 to 2007 and jumped sharply between 2900000000 and 3100000000 in the given
years
. As regards
Japan
's
imports
together with
 United States
imports
 and exports in the 5
years
, starting from 2004, they remained almost stable at about 2000000000 and 1000000000, in turn, in the given periods.
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task achievement
Try to simplify the presentation of complex numerical data to ensure clarity and understanding for the reader. Overly complex sentences can lead to confusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear conclusion summarizing the key points. This anchors the essay and provides a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more frequently to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs and within sentences.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that sets the context effectively for the rest of the essay.
task achievement
You made a good attempt at including the overall trends for each country, which is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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