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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage participation of women in senior management in three companies between 1975 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table describes the percentage of women in senior management in
Eldan
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Ltd
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,
Bamforth
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Ltd
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, and
Finsbruy
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Finsbury
Ltd
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 from 1975 to 2015. In 1975,
Eldan
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Ltd
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 had the lowest number of women representation in the company, at just 3%,
while
Linking Words
Bamforth
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Ltd
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 and Finsbury
Ltd
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 had each 9% and 16% respectively. Over the following decades, all three companies showed a significant growth in female participation. By 1985,
Eldan
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Ltd
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 had a notable increase reaching
to
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14%,
while
Linking Words
 both Finsbury
Ltd
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 and
Bamforth
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Ltd
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 saw a slight increase, 15% and 13% respectively. The trend continues with
Eldan
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Ltd
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, being the lowest at
first,
Linking Words
experiencing
a the
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the
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 most significant growth, reaching 64% by 2015.
Bamforth
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Ltd
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also
Linking Words
 demonstrated
a
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substantial progress, climbing to 46%.
While
Linking Words
on the other hand
Linking Words
, Finsbury
Ltd
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, despite an increase, fell behind at 26%
Overall
Linking Words
, the data indicates a positive shift to
a
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greater gender equality in senior management positions over the four decades, particularly for
ELdan
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Ltd
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 and
Bamforth
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Ltd
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, definitely helping the efforts to improve female representation in key leadership roles.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words eldan, ltd, bamforth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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