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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. ф

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. ф
#bar #ten #countries #production #consumption #electricity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart demonstrates the top ten
countries
Change noun form
countries'
show examples
 production and consumption of
electricity
 in 2014.
Overall
, there are ten
countries
 that use
electricity
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
differently. The
countries
Change the noun form
country
show examples
electricity’s
Change noun form
electricity
show examples
 lowest one is
Correct article usage
the Korea
show examples
Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
 Republic and the highest one is China’s.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China produce
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
electricity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 5,398 billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
. It is more than
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States’s production. There
are was
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 4,099 billion
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
.
Afterwards
Add a comma
Afterwards,
show examples
 the
electricity
 increased to 1,057 it is
Russian’s
Correct your spelling
Russia’s
show examples
 producing.
While
 China
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
energy in 5,322 their manufacturing was 5,398. It gives that the more
countries
 usage a lot than what they were given. There are only two
countries
 that
applicate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 their
electricity
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same way of
producing
Correct pronoun usage
producing it
show examples
. These
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the
Russia
Replace the word
Russian
show examples
 and
Korea
Correct your spelling
Korean
show examples
Republic
Fix the agreement mistake
Republics
show examples
. Their production and consumption
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 less than others but usage
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the same and correct.
However
Germany
Change noun form
Germany's
show examples
manufacturing
Wrong verb form
manufactures
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
582.5
while
 their products
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 526.6 ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gives a lot of questions but zero answers.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, electricity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity production
  • electricity consumption
  • disparity
  • significant
  • top ten countries
  • main features
  • compare
  • relevant
  • geographical concentration
  • trends
  • patterns
  • implications
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