Some people think that the young people should be free to choose their job, but other people think that they should be realist and think more about their future.Discuss the both views and give your opinion.

The debate over whether young
people
should be free or not to choose their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
has reflected two different viewpoints. Some
people
argue that they should
free
Add a missing verb
be free
show examples
to pursue what they want,
while
others claim that young
people
should focus on the realistic side of
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
future. In my opinion, I believe that choosing a
job
we like and weighing its future value are
both
significant for a person's
career
. Choosing a
job
freely with self
preferance
Correct your spelling
preference
gives youngsters
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flexibility in their
career
, and at the same time, makes them enjoy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
work
. Engaging in a
job
we like plays a vital role in working
sustainbility
Correct your spelling
sustainability
and productivity. Some
people
believe that young
people
should be able to chase their dreams freely to gain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, as the
job
is enjoyable for them, they are more likely to strive for success.
On the contrary
, if they cannot
work
in the field they want, it might drive them to depression, potentially leading to a
career
crisis.
Therefore
, young
people
should be encouraged to pursue their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
and find passion in their
job
.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
assert that young
people
should be
realist
Replace the word
realistic
show examples
and take more consequences into account.
Firstly
, salary is the most important element of
work
, as it defines the life quality we get. Young
people
should prioritize their income situation rather than their own passion
toward
Change preposition
for
show examples
a
job
,
while
choosing a
high profit
Add a hyphen
high-profit
show examples
job
can make our lives more stable.
Moreover
, the future of a
job
is
also
a crucial part of choosing
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
.
Therefore
, young
people
should stress on evaluating the prospect of a profession before making their decision. From my
perpesctive
Correct your spelling
perspective
, I believe that youngsters should be free and
realist
Replace the word
realistic
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
choosing their jobs because
this
balanced approach can efficiently help them to
work
with a positive emotion, and at the same time, receive a stable salary to cover their life expenses. More importantly, young
people
should take
both
sides of advice into consideration and
then
decide which
job
is the most suitable for them. In conclusion, some
people
advocate for choosing jobs freely, and others highlight the realistic side of
work
. I believe
both
viewpoints offer significant
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
for young
people
on their
career
options. Youngsters should employ
both
ways
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
job
choices, and
eventually
Add a comma
eventually,
show examples
they can find a
job
which is enjoyable materially and emotionally.
Submitted by a0979181071 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. This will enhance the depth of your essay and illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Work on diversifying the use of transition words and phrases to create smoother links between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of the argument, acknowledging both viewpoints and effectively integrating them into the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is clear, with an introduction, discussion of both viewpoints, and a conclusion that synthesizes the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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