IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23 - 65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of people aged 23 - 65 in different occupations in one UK town (Ashby) and in the UK as a whole in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentage #people #occupations #uk #town #ashby #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts demonstrate occupations amongst people from the 23 to 65 age bracket in
Ashby
Use synonyms
 and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Ashby
Use synonyms
town
Use synonyms
 had more unemployment than the whole country combined and office
work
Use synonyms
 was most popularized in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 ,
whereas
Linking Words
Ashby
Use synonyms
town
Use synonyms
 was more employed by personal services. First of all, in
Ashby
Use synonyms
town
Use synonyms
 unemployment was around 14
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
overall
Linking Words
 47
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people were employed
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technical , professional, shop and construction jobs. Other 18
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of them had
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
 in offices and around
one fifth
Add a hyphen
one-fifth
show examples
 of the total number of adults were working with professional services.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 country the most common job was related to offices and
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 of all people had
constructive
Add an article
a constructive
show examples
 job and with
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 ratio the unemployed were with
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 amount. Personal services were less than
Use synonyms
town
Change preposition
in town
show examples
 by 4
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
shop
work
Use synonyms
 was almost equal and professional and technical
work
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 around two times more popular than in
town
Use synonyms
.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words ashby, town, work, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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