IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in three employment positions in two countries in 2007.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in three employment positions in two countries in 2007.
#show #percentage #workers #three #employment #positions #two #countries
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The pie charts demonstrate two sexual workers in percentages in three employment positions in two parts of the world in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of Industry triples higher in
B
Use synonyms
 from A .
On
Change preposition
At
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 the time, the extent of
services
Use synonyms
 is significantly greater in female jobholders in state
B
Use synonyms
 than in sector A .
Services
Use synonyms
 measurement is 9 % higher than 56% in
man
Correct your spelling
male
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 employees in nation
B
Use synonyms
 than the same one in A.
While
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture's extent is 26% more than
B
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
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 portion 3 %. But in sector industry
B
Use synonyms
 male countryside has 32 % which is more by 17% than male province A.
Services
Use synonyms
' measurement is the same
while
Linking Words
, the female labourers in Kingdom A's agriculture is more than 42 % from female assistants in part
B
Use synonyms
 in 1%.The A's industry percentage is 8% which is lower than the 3% of the
B
Use synonyms
 . By
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way of conclusion, the visible portions are in mainly
services
Use synonyms
 and
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 ones are in agriculture.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words b, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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