IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in three employment positions in two countries in 2007.

The charts below show the percentage of male and female workers in three employment positions in two countries in 2007.
#show #percentage #workers #three #employment #positions #two #countries
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The pie charts demonstrate two sexual workers in percentages in three employment positions in two parts of the world in 2007.
Overall
, the amount of Industry triples higher in
B
 from A .
On
Change preposition
At
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 the time, the extent of
services
 is significantly greater in female jobholders in state
B
 than in sector A .
Services
 measurement is 9 % higher than 56% in
man
Correct your spelling
male
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 employees in nation
B
 than the same one in A.
While
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture's extent is 26% more than
B
men
Change noun form
men's
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 portion 3 %. But in sector industry
B
 male countryside has 32 % which is more by 17% than male province A.
Services
' measurement is the same
while
, the female labourers in Kingdom A's agriculture is more than 42 % from female assistants in part
B
 in 1%.The A's industry percentage is 8% which is lower than the 3% of the
B
 . By
the
Correct article usage
apply
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way of conclusion, the visible portions are in mainly
services
 and
male
Correct article usage
the male
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 ones are in agriculture.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words b, services with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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