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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #school #children #instrument #information #features #comparisons
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This
 bar chart ,
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 key information about, school children who play differe2 ,
Overall
.
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
learnin
Correct your spelling
learnt
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
piano
 and
gutita
Correct your spelling
guitar
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 a high
percentage
 in all
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
,on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand
Correct article usage
the
show examples
violin
 and drums
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest level in all
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
According to
 what
showed
Wrong verb form
is shown
show examples
 in a bar chart. In 2015 , the
percentage
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
who learning
gutitar
Correct your spelling
guitar
 and
piano
 was so close to each other by 40% .And who
learnin
Correct your spelling
learn
 drums and
violin
 the lowest around 10%. In term. If we look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
2010
Correct article usage
the 2010
show examples
 and 2005 data we will note that the level
decraese
Correct your spelling
decreased
.
For example
 ,
Correct article usage
the gutitar
show examples
gutitar
Correct your spelling
guitar
 and
piano
Add an article
the piano
show examples
percentage
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
aound
Correct your spelling
around
 20% and in 2005 10% . But for drums and
violin
 level
Correct your spelling
there
thir
Correct your spelling
there
 is not a lot of
chanegg
Correct your spelling
changes
change
changing
 For comparisons
btween
Correct your spelling
between
 the three years . in 2015
gutitar
Correct your spelling
guitar
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
 and
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest . About 2010 the highest one is
piano
. In 2005 all
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 close to each other .
Submitted by joudyasser805 on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, percentage, violin with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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