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Band 5.5

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of a drug company’s total sales, by region, from 2002 to 2006.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #drug #company’s #sales #region #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of a drug company's total
sales
 by region between 2002 and 2006. Generally, the
sales
 growth trends in
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 regions are different.
Sales
 in
America
 first increased and
then
 decreased,
while
that is
 in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite direction in
Europe
Europe
. In Asia, it
is tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to
be continue
Change the verb form
continue
show examples
 to rise
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
America
 has the highest level of the beginning
sales
 point among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
.
Firstly
sales
 there declined
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 27
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
then
 it
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2006. Because of the growth of
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two regions,
America
 cannot always have the highest positions.
Europe
 is growing in
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite way, compared to what
America
 has. Starting at 34
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, it first
move
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 upwards to 38
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2004,
then
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
8
Change preposition
to 8
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 when in 2006,
while
Correct word choice
which
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the same as
America
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. Asia is making progress all the time. Beginning with 25%,
sales
 in Asia have smoothly grown to 40%, which is 10% higher than those in
Europe
 and
America
.
Submitted by pitaleung8 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, america, europe, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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