IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the main
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
show examples
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 is caring
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
. Most of the people think that mothers and fathers should take
a parenting
Correct the article-noun agreement
parenting courses
a parenting course
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
 to be a good parent. I partially agree with that idea and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of that statement. On the one hand,
however
Linking Words
 today most grandparents
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
show examples
 with their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
,
that is
Linking Words
 why
parents
Use synonyms
 should take a special course which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to learn how to communicate with
children
Use synonyms
 and
guiding
Wrong verb form
guide
show examples
 them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessary
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In the past that kind of
skills
Fix the agreement mistake
skill
show examples
taught
Add a missing verb
was taught
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Change preposition
to parents
show examples
 by grandparents.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nowadays
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 is more accelerated because of
this
Linking Words
 most people become more impatient and stressed. As we know
parents
Use synonyms
 should be patient and calm with their
children
Use synonyms
 and
courses
Use synonyms
 help them to learn how to control themselves when their
children
Use synonyms
annoying
Wrong verb form
annoy
show examples
 them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most people think that parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 are useless. Because in our society there are enough cases and situations that help to learn how to be a good parent.
Such
Linking Words
 as by caring
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 relatives’
children
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 can learn different parenting skills like how to
dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 with
children
Use synonyms
 that help them in the future.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 most
parents
Use synonyms
 think that
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
courses
Use synonyms
 are worthless
to
Change preposition
due to
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 cost and
that is
Linking Words
 why they do not
what
Correct your spelling
want
show examples
 to go parenting
courses
Use synonyms
. In conclusion.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 are expensive and
parents
Use synonyms
 can learn parenting skills with their relatives’
children
Use synonyms
 they should go to the parenting
courses
Use synonyms
 because
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
 help them to be patient and calm in every depth of the parenting life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

General Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which summarize the main points. However, ensure that the introduction clearly states your stance (partially agree) and clearly delineates the two perspectives you wish to discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph centers on one key idea, and that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are more smooth. Use clear linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Although valid points are raised, they could be more thoroughly developed with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
Language and Grammar
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes by reviewing sentence structures for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and consistent tense use. For example, "One of the main duty" should be "One of the main duties".
Introduction
The essay opens with a clear topic sentence, introducing your stance and the structure of your response which improves readability.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your perspective, reinforcing the main arguments discussed in the essay.
Content Balance
The essay attempts to balance both sides of the argument, which offers a comprehensive viewpoint on the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Child development
  • Mandatory courses
  • Nutrition
  • Discipline strategies
  • Effective communication
  • Government regulations
  • Voluntary workshops
  • Community support
  • Cultural backgrounds
  • Personal beliefs
  • Emotionally stable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: