Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree and disagree?
One of the main
duty
of Fix the agreement mistake
duties
parents
is caring to
their Change preposition
for
children
. Most of the people think that mothers and fathers should take a parenting
Correct the article-noun agreement
parenting courses
a parenting course
courses
to be a good parent. I partially agree with that idea and in this
essay
I will discuss both Add a comma
essay,
side
of that statement.
On the one hand, Change to a plural noun
sides
however
today most grandparents busy
with their Add a missing verb
are busy
career
, Fix the agreement mistake
careers
that is
why parents
should take a special course which help
to learn how to communicate with Change the verb form
helps
children
and guiding
them to be Wrong verb form
guide
a
necessary Correct article usage
apply
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
to
Change preposition
in
the
society. In the past that kind of Correct article usage
apply
skills
Fix the agreement mistake
skill
taught
Add a missing verb
was taught
parents
by grandparents. Change preposition
to parents
Furthermore
, nowadays world
is more accelerated because of Add an article
the world
this
most people become more impatient and stressed. As we know parents
should be patient and calm with their children
and courses
help them to learn how to control themselves when their children
annoying
them.
Wrong verb form
annoy
On the other hand
, most people think that parenting courses
are useless. Because in our society there are enough cases and situations that help to learn how to be a good parent. Such
as by caring their
relatives’ Change preposition
for their
children
parents
can learn different parenting skills like how to dealing
with Wrong verb form
deal
children
that help them in the future. Also
most Add a comma
Also,
parents
think that that
Correct determiner usage
those
kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
courses
are worthless to
Change preposition
due to
its
cost and Correct pronoun usage
their
that is
why they do not what
to go parenting Correct your spelling
want
courses
.
In conclusion. Although
,
parenting Remove the comma
apply
courses
are expensive and parents
can learn parenting skills with their relatives’ children
they should go to the parenting courses
because this
Change the determiner
these
courses
help them to be patient and calm in every depth of the parenting life.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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General Structure
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which summarize the main points. However, ensure that the introduction clearly states your stance (partially agree) and clearly delineates the two perspectives you wish to discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph centers on one key idea, and that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are more smooth. Use clear linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Although valid points are raised, they could be more thoroughly developed with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
Language and Grammar
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes by reviewing sentence structures for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and consistent tense use. For example, "One of the main duty" should be "One of the main duties".
Introduction
The essay opens with a clear topic sentence, introducing your stance and the structure of your response which improves readability.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your perspective, reinforcing the main arguments discussed in the essay.
Content Balance
The essay attempts to balance both sides of the argument, which offers a comprehensive viewpoint on the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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