IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features.

The table illustrates how many people use their
phones
Use synonyms
 to which categories in the
years
Use synonyms
 2006, 2008,
2010
Correct word choice
and 2010
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, utilizing
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for making calls
make
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the largest rate over the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 owners using their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for playing music and recording video was in the minority.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
search
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the internet
did
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 at all at the beginning of the period, it gradually rose during
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 time. Mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 users used their
phones
Use synonyms
 for making calls
made
Verb problem
apply
show examples
100% in both 2006 and 2008
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the rate of taking photos stood at 66% and 71% respectively. In 2010, the percentage of making calls slightly dropped by 1%, utilizing
phones
Use synonyms
 for taking photos toe to 76%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 owners were 17%
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the category of playing games in 2006 and it increased more than twofold and reached 42% in 2008, but it declined by 1% in 2010.
Phone
Use synonyms
 owners used their
phones
Use synonyms
 to send or receive text messages 73% in 2006 and it noticeably grew to 79% in 2010 from
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
73% in 2006.
Although
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first year, there
had been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 no date for
search
Wrong verb form
searching
show examples
 the internet, it enormously
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 41% after 2
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 playing music reached only 18% from 12% in 2006. In 2010, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
used
Add a missing verb
were used
show examples
73
Change preposition
by 73
show examples
% and 26% for researching the internet and playing music respectively.
Although
Linking Words
 nobody used their mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 for recording video in 2006, 2
years
Use synonyms
 later it slightly rose to 9% and
then
Linking Words
 reached 35% in 2010.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all data in tables or charts is clearly referenced. For instance, specify any segments of information that might help organize the essay better.
coherence cohesion
Enhance variety in vocabulary and sentence structures to better phrase your observations.
task achievement
Incorporate additional specific examples or data points from the table to solidify your points.
task achievement
Add more elaborations or explanations about trends and data to make the analysis richer.
task achievement
You have captured the key trends and comparisons effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure and follows a logical order.
coherence cohesion
The transition between ideas is smooth, ensuring a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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