IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Percentages of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarize the table.

#percentages #phone #owners #features
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The table
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 information about the index of mobile
phone
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 ,
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 much they utilized mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 features over the
period
Use synonyms
 for years from 2006 and 2010. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
owners
Use synonyms
 of mobile devices who
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 calls experienced
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest figure
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the years . Meanwhile, users
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing music stood at
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest
trend
Use synonyms
 at the beginning of
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
. In detail, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 who used
foe
Fix the agreement mistake
it for
show examples
 making calls , taking photos
as well as
Linking Words
 sending and receiving text messages
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 100% ,66% and 73% in the initial
year
Use synonyms
. After two
Use synonyms
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
, mobile
owners
Use synonyms
 in
make
Correct article usage
the make
show examples
 call feature
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 percentage
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the first
trend
Use synonyms
 ,
in
Linking Words
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
 both taking photos and sending and receiving text message
Use synonyms
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased 71% and 75% respectively.
However
Linking Words
 , in 2010 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 feature declined to almost 1 % , during the
year
Use synonyms
 text message sending and receiving
also
Linking Words
 taking photo figures slightly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rose to 2% and 4% respectively. The next
remain
Replace the word
remaining
show examples
 features which
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
owners
Use synonyms
 surfed on playing games, searching anything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 , recording
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 and playing music . At the beginning of the
year
Use synonyms
 ,
user
Add an article
the user
a user
show examples
 which
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 to play
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 stood at 17% but
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
year
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased to 42% and 41% respectively in both years 2008 and 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
 , interestingly searching from
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and recording
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
had
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
 in
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 but
searching
Correct article usage
the searching
show examples
 feature emerged
9
Change preposition
at 9
show examples
% ,
also
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 one experienced the highest
trend
Use synonyms
73
Change preposition
at 73
show examples
% and 35 % respectively. In the fullness of time ,playing music users witnessed
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 lowest percentage in 2006. After 4
period
Use synonyms
 of time , increased to 26% audience when was 18% in 2008.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherent cohesion
Improve sentence structure to enhance clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to provide a complete response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure clear and comprehensive ideas are presented logically.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main point and includes specific percentages from the table.
coherent cohesion
Some features are analyzed individually, showing variety in the use of data.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: