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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show a public Park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show a public Park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given picture illustrates a public
park
Use synonyms
 named Grange
Park
Use synonyms
when
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was built in 1920 and in the present.
Overall
Linking Words
, the entrances and one of the
rose
Use synonyms
 gardens were unchanged.
However
Linking Words
, the fountain, stage for musicians, glasshouse, pond for
water
Use synonyms
 plants, a
rose
Use synonyms
garden
Use synonyms
 and four
seats
Use synonyms
 were removed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, two
rose
Use synonyms
 gardens and four
Use synonyms
seats
Change the noun form
seat
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 locations were transformed.
Also
Linking Words
, an Amphitheatre for concerts, a café, a
water
Use synonyms
 feature, a children’s play area and an
entrance
Use synonyms
 underground car
park
Use synonyms
 were built. The
entrance
Use synonyms
 and a
rose
Use synonyms
garden
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above near Arnold Avenue were not modified.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a
rose
Use synonyms
garden
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the pond for
water
Use synonyms
 plants were replaced by a café and a children’s play area on the up-right
side
Use synonyms
 respectively.
subsequently
Linking Words
, the
rose
Use synonyms
garden
Use synonyms
 was unmodified and two
seats
Use synonyms
 were removed on the up-left
side
Use synonyms
. The stage for musicians and fountain was replaced by an Amphitheatre for concerts and
rose
Use synonyms
garden
Use synonyms
 and four
seats
Use synonyms
 in the middle of the
park
Use synonyms
. The
entrance
Use synonyms
 near Eldon Street on the downside
side
Use synonyms
 was not revised.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the glasshouse and the
seats
Use synonyms
 were replaced by a
water
Use synonyms
 feature and an
entrance
Use synonyms
 underground car
park
Use synonyms
 on the right-hand
side
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the
seats
Use synonyms
 and
rose
Use synonyms
garden
Use synonyms
 were removed on the
left-down
Correct your spelling
left-hand
show examples
side
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mkhdermani on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, moreover".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park, rose, water, garden, seats, entrance, side with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • landscape
  • amenities
  • renovation
  • transformation
  • accessible
  • visitor demographics
  • green space
  • heritage
  • floral arrangements
  • commemorative
  • infrastructure
  • pathways
  • interactive areas
  • natural habitat
  • community engagement
  • urban planning
  • conservation efforts
  • public facilities
  • recreation areas
  • environmentally friendly
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