What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people's attention to art? The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead.
#people #attention #art #government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide clearer arguments and structured paragraphs that distinctly separate different points of view.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly distinct and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both aspects of the question: the importance of arts and public services.
introduction conclusion present
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps organize your essay's structure.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite