IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an satisfactory job or shortage of Money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #belive #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
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There is
ongoing
Add an article
an ongoing
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 debate about accepting any type of
situation
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the best to live a
life
while
 others reject
with
Change preposition
apply
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formal
Add an article
the formal
a formal
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notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions
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 and argue that
instead
 of accepting bad or good situations it is better to enhance and fix the
situation
.
According to
 my point of view, individuals should always try and create more good opportunities.
This
 essay will
further
 explain my viewpoint on
this
 issue. On the one side, some people accept their situations and live their lives
according to
 their ways without any hustle and bustle. If people survive from
this
situation
 they can do anything in their
life
.
For example
- In 2010, my friend's dad only did an office job under minimum wage but still, they accepted it and made budgets
according to
 the
situation
 and they are surviving
life
 without any lavish wishes and happy with that. On the other side, It is impossible to survive without any struggle and personal enhancement. They will feel poor if they do not courage
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to earn more money and fulfil their dreams. Learning every day and getting knowledge about
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 really helped people to understand the meaning of living the best
life
. In
this
 way, they earn their name and reputation.
For example
, the Apple company always try their best and improve
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 phone quality every year and as
Correct article usage
a results
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results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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, they earn what
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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spent
Wrong verb form
spends
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.
According to
 my opinion, accepting the
situation
 and starting working on the bad
situation
 is the best. When you work in a bad
situation
 you use your brain and do hard work which helps your body to stay active and healthy. It is
also
 the best way to become a well-known person by putting in your efforts. In conclusion, both aspects play different roles in everyone's
life
 but it is up to the individual how they take and deal with them. Their one step can make them rich and poor. It totally depends on them which path they want to
walk
Verb problem
take
show examples
.
Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your supporting sentences directly relate to it. This will create a more logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
While your main argument is present, try to explore each side of the argument more thoroughly. Providing a balanced discussion will strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Work on the smooth transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to maintain a flow of ideas. Use linking words to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Clarify your own opinion further and integrate it seamlessly into the discussion, so that it flows naturally with the rest of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Your essay does well in presenting a personal example and a relevant example from the business world, giving a practical touch to your points.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction and conclusion are clearly outlined, giving the essay a neat structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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