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Band 3.5

11.Some people believe that parents have great influence on children’s growth but others think that influence from the outside plays more important role. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
we will
disecuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 today to of
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 views
abot
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about
 the great thing if the parent
raise
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raises
show examples
childrens
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children
show examples
 on
the
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apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 hand raise the
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
wath
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with
 the outside
people
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.
Body paragraph 1
firstly
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 many
things
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let
Correct pronoun usage
that let
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the
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apply
show examples
people
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 think that it
better
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is better
show examples
to
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for
show examples
 the family
raise
Fix the infinitive
to raise
show examples
 the
kids
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,
however
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 they have to
lean
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learn
show examples
alot
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a lot
 of
things
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 from as
such
Linking Words
 as ethics ,
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and parent
show examples
parent
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parents
show examples
 can shape their
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kids
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kid's
kids'
show examples
 development. and
the
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they
show examples
 influence values ,
bihavior
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behaviour
behaviours
,and emotional growth, and they guide
there
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their
show examples
kids
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 on the best path.
Body paragraph 2
on the other hand
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 , there
is
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are
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 a lot of
people
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think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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that is
Linking Words
at
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apply
show examples
better if the
kids
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 raise alone with
the
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apply
show examples
outside
people
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,
due to
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 that it
dangerous
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is dangerous
show examples
 for
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them
thim
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them
 in many ways,
for example
Linking Words
 , they might choose
wrong
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the wrong
show examples
 path and that will make them
not
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, not
show examples
 good
people
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an
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a
show examples
 the
futuer
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future
 ,
moreover
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 , there is
alot
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a lot
 of good
things
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thay
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they
that
 can learn from the good
people
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,
Body paragraph 3
on
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in
show examples
 my opinion,
the
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apply
show examples
parent
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parents
show examples
 must raise
there
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their
show examples
kids
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 ,and
let
Verb problem
keep
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 the
kids
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 in
a
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apply
show examples
good health,and
to
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apply
show examples
have a great living life ,
a
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apply
show examples
 good teaching , if the
kids
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 have
things
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 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 life in the
futuer
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future
 they will be
a
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apply
show examples
good
mans
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man
show examples
, and they will help development very
things
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 in the world.
Conclusion
last
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and
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but
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 not least, the family have to make sure to
raised
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raise
show examples
 the
kids
Use synonyms
 in front of your eyes , to see your
kids
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 in the
futuer
Correct your spelling
future
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 good
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
.

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when discussing the influence of parents, you could mention specific values or life skills that parents can teach their children.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting statements. Try using clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Clarify your sentences and ideas to ensure that your points are easily understood by the reader. This will improve the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both perspectives on the topic, which is crucial to addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a conclusion that reflects your own opinion, which is essential in IELTS essays that ask for your viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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