IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

11.Some people believe that parents have great influence on children’s growth but others think that influence from the outside plays more important role. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #influence #children’s #growth #role
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disecuss
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discuss
 today to of
people
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people's
show examples
 views
abot
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about
 the great thing if the parent
raise
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raises
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childrens
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children
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 on
the
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apply
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another
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other
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 hand raise the
childrens
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children
children's
wath
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with
 the outside
people
.
firstly
, there
is
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are
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 many
things
let
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that let
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the
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apply
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people
 think that it
better
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is better
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to
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for
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 the family
raise
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to raise
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 the
kids
,
however
 they have to
lean
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learn
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alot
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a lot
 of
things
 from as
such
 as ethics ,
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and parent
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parent
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parents
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 can shape their
kids
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kid's
kids'
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 development. and
the
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they
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 influence values ,
bihavior
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behaviour
behaviours
,and emotional growth, and they guide
there
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their
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kids
 on the best path.
on the other hand
 , there
is
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are
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 a lot of
people
think
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who think
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that is
at
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apply
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better if the
kids
 raise alone with
the
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apply
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outside
people
,
due to
 that it
dangerous
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is dangerous
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 for
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them
thim
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them
 in many ways,
for example
 , they might choose
wrong
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the wrong
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 path and that will make them
not
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, not
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 good
people
an
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a
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 the
futuer
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future
 ,
moreover
 , there is
alot
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a lot
 of good
things
thay
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they
that
 can learn from the good
people
,
on
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in
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 my opinion,
the
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apply
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parent
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parents
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 must raise
there
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their
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kids
 ,and
let
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keep
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 the
kids
 in
a
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apply
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good health,and
to
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apply
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have a great living life ,
a
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apply
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 good teaching , if the
kids
 have
things
 in
there
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their
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 life in the
futuer
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future
 they will be
a
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apply
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good
mans
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man
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, and they will help development very
things
 in the world.
last
and
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but
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 not least, the family have to make sure to
raised
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raise
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 the
kids
 in front of your eyes , to see your
kids
 in the
futuer
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future
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 good
pepole
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people
.
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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when discussing the influence of parents, you could mention specific values or life skills that parents can teach their children.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting statements. Try using clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Clarify your sentences and ideas to ensure that your points are easily understood by the reader. This will improve the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both perspectives on the topic, which is crucial to addressing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You provided a conclusion that reflects your own opinion, which is essential in IELTS essays that ask for your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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