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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British poeple giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British poeple giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #british #poeple #money #charity #age #range #years #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar chart provides information on the proportion of British individuals who
donate
Wrong verb form
donated
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity on the age-based in 1990 and 2000.
Overall
, it is clear,
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 1990,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young and
mid-aged
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
 donated more than the elderly,
however
,
this
 trend changed significantly
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010 and the old
people
could attain
Wrong verb form
attained
show examples
leading
Replace the word
leadership
show examples
.
To begin
, in 1990,
people
 between 36-50 years old hit a high position on the
donatation
Correct your spelling
donation
donations
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charity at approximately 42% , the age 51-65 years old were in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
placed
Replace the word
place
show examples
 with 35%
then
, followed by 26-35 and over 65 ones at relatively
equall
Correct your spelling
equal
 around 32% and the young
people
 had the least
collabration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 among the others. During 2010, the most
collabration
Correct your spelling
collaboration
 belonged to the ages between 51-60 who could
experienced
Change the verb form
experience
show examples
 the leading with just under 40% which
addmitily
Correct your spelling
additively
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 not
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
competitive in comparison to the highest percentages in 1990.
However
,
people
 between 36-50 and over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
65 were in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
placed
Replace the word
place
show examples
 together in one position with 35% ,
subsequently
, the individuals in the
rage
Correct your spelling
range
show examples
 of 26-35 saw 23%,
also
, the donation rates among the youth were negligible approximately 6%.
Submitted by mahyarnaseri on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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