IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effect on a children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
This
Linking Words
 is the
age
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 of
technology
Use synonyms
age
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. We know all
children
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 know
technology
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. They grow up with
technology
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.
Body paragraph 1
Technology
Use synonyms
 same time good but sometimes negatively effective for
children
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.
Body paragraph 2
We should be limited to
television
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 or
computer
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games
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. If we do not limit the
child
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 do not know other skills. The
child
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 must know
computer
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games
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 or
television
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 because ıf the
child
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 does not know
this
Linking Words
 they become a stranger.
Body paragraph 3
Some parents never
use
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technology
Use synonyms
 and they believe it has a negative effect on
children
Use synonyms
. I do not agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opinion because we should know
technology
Use synonyms
 because
age
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 is
technology
Use synonyms
age
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. If we do not really uncomfortable live for us. We
use
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 a
phone
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 for payment and we
use
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 a
television
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 for global communications. We should know
computer
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games
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 to play
a friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
friends
a friend
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
Some people certainly do not
use
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 and do not allow for
child
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use
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 a
phone
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 or
television
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is not true.
Body paragraph 5
In my opinion, the
child
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 knows all
technology
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 things but they have a
use
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 a limit.
Body paragraph 6
For example
Linking Words
, the
child
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 only uses a
phone
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 or
computer
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games
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 for only one hour a day. If they do not have enough time and they want to a lot of time the
phone
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 or
computer
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 automatically closes.
Body paragraph 7
In
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 the
child
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knows
Add the particle
knows to
show examples
use
Use synonyms
technology
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 and they do not have negative effects.
Body paragraph 8
The parents
use
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 a
phone
Use synonyms
 or
computer
Use synonyms
 and they
use
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 allow the
child
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 to for a limited.
Conclusion
Children
Use synonyms
 should benefit from
technology
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 in a way that allows the
children
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 to develop.

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language
Improve sentence structures to enhance readability. Rephrase sentences to make them more grammatically correct and engaging.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your ideas and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs logically, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or point. This will help readers follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The writer expresses a clear opinion supported by some reasoning, contributing to task achievement.
task achievement
Attempts to balance both viewpoints are made, which shows an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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