IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be beneficial to children. Others believe this has negative effect on a children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
This
Linking Words
 is the
age
Use synonyms
 of
technology
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
. We know all
children
Use synonyms
 know
technology
Use synonyms
. They grow up with
technology
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
Technology
Use synonyms
 same time good but sometimes negatively effective for
children
Use synonyms
.
Body · 2
We should be limited to
television
Use synonyms
 or
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. If we do not limit the
child
Use synonyms
 do not know other skills. The
child
Use synonyms
 must know
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 or
television
Use synonyms
 because ıf the
child
Use synonyms
 does not know
this
Linking Words
 they become a stranger.
Body · 3
Some parents never
use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 and they believe it has a negative effect on
children
Use synonyms
. I do not agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opinion because we should know
technology
Use synonyms
 because
age
Use synonyms
 is
technology
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
. If we do not really uncomfortable live for us. We
use
Use synonyms
 a
phone
Use synonyms
 for payment and we
use
Use synonyms
 a
television
Use synonyms
 for global communications. We should know
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 to play
a friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
friends
a friend
show examples
.
Body · 4
Some people certainly do not
use
Use synonyms
 and do not allow for
child
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 a
phone
Use synonyms
 or
television
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is not true.
Body · 5
In my opinion, the
child
Use synonyms
 knows all
technology
Use synonyms
 things but they have a
use
Use synonyms
 a limit.
Body · 6
For example
Linking Words
, the
child
Use synonyms
 only uses a
phone
Use synonyms
 or
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 for only one hour a day. If they do not have enough time and they want to a lot of time the
phone
Use synonyms
 or
computer
Use synonyms
 automatically closes.
Body · 7
In
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
situation,
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
knows
Add the particle
knows to
show examples
use
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 and they do not have negative effects.
Body · 8
The parents
use
Use synonyms
 a
phone
Use synonyms
 or
computer
Use synonyms
 and they
use
Use synonyms
 allow the
child
Use synonyms
 to for a limited.
Conclusion
Children
Use synonyms
 should benefit from
technology
Use synonyms
 in a way that allows the
children
Use synonyms
 to develop.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Improve sentence structures to enhance readability. Rephrase sentences to make them more grammatically correct and engaging.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or studies to support your ideas and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs logically, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or point. This will help readers follow your argument easily.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
The writer expresses a clear opinion supported by some reasoning, contributing to task achievement.
task achievement
Attempts to balance both viewpoints are made, which shows an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: