Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people reckon that
all
Change preposition
in all
of
Change preposition
apply
universities
, Add an article
the universities
students
should learn subjects
that they would like. While
,
others prefer to study only Remove the comma
apply
subjects
that are necessary for university
requirements. I am in favour of all students
studying the subjects
they want.
On the one hand, studying subjects
which designed
for Add a missing verb
are designed
university
is useful for everyone. This
will not be difficult, conversely
Add a comma
conversely,
students
ca
learn easily more things. In many cases, Correct your spelling
can
students
do not want to study extra activities. Because they think those stubjects
are boring and just waste of time. Correct your spelling
subjects
For example
, as
many Correct word choice
apply
students
do not want to learn them, despite to subjects
that teach
in school are necessary, Wrong verb form
are taught
thus
can happen to Correct your spelling
this
university
students
as well. Moreover
, students
can benefit from considering the long-term financial implications of their degree choices. Degrees in high-demand fields often lead to higher starting salaries. Thus
, many supporters are in favor
of only studying the Change the spelling
favour
university
necessary Change noun form
university's
subjects
.
On the other hand
, allowing students
to pursue subjects
they are passionate about can lead to greater personal satisfaction and happiness. Engaging in subjects
they enjoy can motivate them to succeed academically. Every person want
to learn Change the verb form
wants
subjects
that they like. Because,
Remove the comma
apply
this
encourage
them. Change the verb form
encourages
Also
, they prefer to work more. This
internal motivation lead
to innovations and creativity in various occupations, as people who learn whatever they like can create unique ideas and specific things. Change the verb form
leads
Furthermore
, a diverse educational background can increase a student's ability to adapt to a rapidly changing labor
market. Soft skills gained through studying the humanities, Change the spelling
labour
such
as communication, empathy and critical analysis, are increasingly valuable in many professions. This
perspective supports a holistic approach to education that values all subjects
equally.
In conclusion, no matter how necessary it is for universities to teach specific subjects
for themselves, it is more effective to teach what students
want to learn. Universities can benefit from promoting interdisciplinary research, where students
can explore connections between different fields and at the same time they can acquire relevant practical skills for future careers.Submitted by Writing9 on
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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. This will give your essay more depth and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitional phrases and linking words are used consistently to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the writer's perspective, setting a good context for the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic and offers a clear opinion, covering the main aspects of the question.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.