IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Which would you choose a high-paying job with long hours that would give you a little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

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It is true that fewer
people
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 are more satisfied with lower-paying jobs as they like to give priority to their family
members
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 and balance their personal and professional
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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instead
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 of earning money.
However
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, I agree with the former point of view because I think money is an essential element to enjoy the
ameneties
Correct your spelling
amenities
 of
life
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 and
also
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 to fulfil their responsibilities towards their family
members
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. There are various reasons why I support the first view. Most individuals have a dream to earn a name and fame in their
life
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 which could be possible only if they give 100% to their
work
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 rather than spending it on using social networking sites. By doing
work
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 so long hours,
people
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 will be able to lead a lavish and luxurious lifestyle which not only
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
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 their status in the community but
also
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 makes them more efficient and enjoyable.
Moreover
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, competition is now everywhere. Every person works hard to secure their position in the company and try to get a promotion which is possible only if they put great emphasis on improving their skills
such
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 as communication, co-operation and problem-solving etcetera.
Furthermore
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, high wages are required to fulfil the dreams of their family
members
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 and
also
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 for the better future of their children by providing proper education to them.
last
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 but not least, most
people
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 do
work
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 at a certain age and
the
Change preposition
for the
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 rest of
the
Change the word
their
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life
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 they try to lead their
life
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 with relaxation and with their family
members
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.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
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 instance,
people
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 start
work
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from
Change preposition
at
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 the age of 20 and
work
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 until the age of 55 years. To handle any kind of emergency situation, they have to save some earnings for unforeseen circumstances.
To sum up
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, choosing
from
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between
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 high-paying jobs and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lower-paying
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 is not a difficult task but
to
Change preposition
apply
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maintaining a balance between them is significantly important. I prefer a higher-paying job
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 the best option to access a variety of facilities and to accomplish their responsibilities for their loved ones.

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task achievement
Try to make the introduction a bit clearer by framing the exact question being addressed at the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking up long paragraphs into smaller ones to make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to illustrate your points better. Personal anecdotes or statistics can help strengthen your position.
task achievement
The essay reveals a clear personal stance, arguing in favor of a high-paying job with clear reasoning.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion, both of which offer some insight into the essay's primary focus.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are generally well-connected with clear transitions between paragraphs.
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