You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses

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Dear Sir, I am Tushar Gupta, living
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the outskirts of Toronto City. I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

letter to urge you to grant me a loan to establish my
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I am pretty sure that you will provide me
Add the preposition
with a

It appears that you are missing a preposition with the verb provide. Consider adding the preposition.

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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun funds in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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sufficient funds to set up my own
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I have a great interest in the food industry and I think
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

idea would help me to become a successful entrepreneur in the
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

field.
And
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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I will set up my small fast-food restaurant in a city to make it more accessible for individuals. So that, they can enjoy Indian street food by visiting at my place. In the initial stage of any
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, a handsome amount is required. I think 60-70k dollars is enough for the commencement of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

restaurant. By having
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

amount, I will be able to buy the best place in the city and
alsoit
Correct your spelling
also it
also

If you don’t want alsoit to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

would be beneficial for me to buy furniture, cooking and washing equipment as well. I already started my
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from my home and because of having space problems, I prefer to have
small
Add an article
a small

The noun phrase small restaurant seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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restaurant of my own. I think I will be able to repay my loan in just 5-6 months because of having a customer base in the market. I will be very grateful to you if you pass my loan. Hope to hear back from you soon! Yours Faithfully, Tushar Gupta.
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coherence cohesion
Please ensure that there is a clear structure within each paragraph, with each focusing on a single main idea to improve logical consistency.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on your business experience or past success to strengthen your request and complete the response for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a strong and polite opening and closing.
task achievement
The writing manages to maintain a suitable and formal tone throughout the letter, which is appropriate for a communication to a bank.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • business loan
  • finance
  • capital
  • entrepreneur
  • startup
  • investment
  • repayment period
  • repayment schedule
  • principal amount
  • interest rate
  • financial assistance
  • business plan
  • profit potential
  • market analysis
  • industry opportunities
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