You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: 1) what kind of business you want to start 2) how much money you need 3)the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money. Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses

#business #bank #information #loan #finance #company #money #length #time #addresses

Dear Sir, I am Tushar Gupta, living

Change preposition

show examples

the outskirts of Toronto City. I am writing

this

letter to urge you to grant me a loan to establish my

business

. I am pretty sure that you will provide me

Add the preposition

with a

show examples

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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sufficient funds to set up my own

business

. I have a great interest in the food industry and I think

this

idea would help me to become a successful entrepreneur in the

business

field.

And

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I will set up my small fast-food restaurant in a city to make it more accessible for individuals. So that, they can enjoy Indian street food by visiting at my place. In the initial stage of any

business

, a handsome amount is required. I think 60-70k dollars is enough for the commencement of

this

restaurant. By having

this

amount, I will be able to buy the best place in the city and

alsoit

Correct your spelling

also it

also

would be beneficial for me to buy furniture, cooking and washing equipment as well. I already started my

business

from my home and because of having space problems, I prefer to have

small

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a small

show examples

restaurant of my own. I think I will be able to repay my loan in just 5-6 months because of having a customer base in the market. I will be very grateful to you if you pass my loan. Hope to hear back from you soon! Yours Faithfully, Tushar Gupta.

Submitted by kaurjagdeep2097 on Tue Nov 19 2024

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coherence cohesion

Please ensure that there is a clear structure within each paragraph, with each focusing on a single main idea to improve logical consistency.

task achievement

Consider elaborating on your business experience or past success to strengthen your request and complete the response for task achievement.

coherence cohesion

The letter has a strong and polite opening and closing.

task achievement

The writing manages to maintain a suitable and formal tone throughout the letter, which is appropriate for a communication to a bank.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

231 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

business loan
finance
capital
entrepreneur
startup
investment
repayment period
repayment schedule
principal amount
interest rate
financial assistance
business plan
profit potential
market analysis
industry opportunities

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+