IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts gives information about the rate of electrical using for different purposes and how much time spent by the owner of houses in the year 1920 to 2019 in a country.

The charts gives information about the rate of electrical using for different purposes and how much time spent by the owner of houses in the year 1920 to 2019 in a country.
#information #rate #purposes #time #owner #houses #year #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
 the first bar chart illustrates the
precentages
Correct your spelling
percentages
percentage
 of using electrical appliances between the
years
 1920 to 2019, the second
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 shows the
amounts
Fix the agreement mistake
amount
show examples
 of time that each household used these appliances per
week
.
Overall
,
it is clear that
,
although
 the
amounts
Fix the agreement mistake
amount
show examples
 of all
appliances usages
Fix the agreement mistake
appliance usage
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased over these
years
, the amounts of hours per
week
had been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 dramatically decreased.
To begin
 with, the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of using washing
mashine
Correct your spelling
machines
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
 trend over these
years
 and reached
top
Add an article
the top
show examples
 of
approximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
at the end
 of the period.
Moreover
,
while
 the amount of using
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 started at the point of
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1920 ,after 60
years
dramatic
Change preposition
of dramatic
show examples
 experiences in 1980 it reached about 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and remained
stability
Replace the word
stable
show examples
 until 2019.
Additionally
, vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 experienced a soar upward trend over
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
years
.
On the other hand
,
while
 in 1920, per
house work
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
 took time about 50 hours a
week
,
this
 trend showed
a
Change the article
an
show examples
updown
Correct your spelling
up-down
 experience toward these
years
 and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10 hours a
week
at the end
 of the
periode
Correct your spelling
period
.
Submitted by mahanz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, week with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Electricity consumption
  • Household activities
  • Technological advancements
  • Energy efficiency
  • Appliance usage
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Societal shifts
  • Economic factors
  • Historical data
  • Energy consumption patterns
  • Residential design
  • Electrical equipment
  • Time spent
  • Adoption
  • Correlation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: