IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, TV programmes are transmitted throughout the day and night. Some people think that 24-hour transmission has positive impact, while others believe it is negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #tv #programmes #night #people #-hour #transmission #impact
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These days
mostly
Correct your spelling
most of
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of some countries have eyesight problems and sleep disorders, which raises the inclination of people towards the belief that TV programmes should not be telecasted 24/7. Others,
however
Linking Words
, including
I
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
, harbour the thought that TV shows should be transmitted throughout the
day
Use synonyms
 and night. To address why
24 hour
Add a hyphen
24-hour
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 TV broadcasting is good, it is crucial to fathom two factors: more variety and flexibility.
Initially
Linking Words
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 television programs
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 just running in the
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daytime
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time
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 which there was not much variety available.
Linking Words
While now
Correct word choice
Now
show examples
 with
all
Add a hyphen
all-day
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day
Use synonyms
 and
all night
Add a hyphen
all-night
show examples
 telecasting, everyone has access to more
selection
Fix the agreement mistake
selections
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. What is the significance of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
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 aspect? Nowadays,
mass
Add an article
the mass
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 population is working in shifts i.e
day
Use synonyms
, afternoon and night, so if a
pragram
Correct your spelling
program
 is transmitted in
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 it would not
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
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 for a
day
Use synonyms
-shift worker to watch it. The cynics of the aforementioned notion,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, oppose the view; they are of the opinion that the harmful blue light emitted from the screen of the television damages the
cornia
Correct your spelling
cornea
corner
 of the eye causing visual impairments
such
Linking Words
 as myopia and hypermetropia.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they believe that
silver
Correct article usage
the silver
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 screen is very addictive and people are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
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clock
Correct article usage
the clock
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while
Linking Words
siting
Correct your spelling
sitting
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infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of it,
as well as
Linking Words
 there is
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
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 in sleep disorders and consumption of sleeping pills as compared to past decades.
Overall
Linking Words
, indeed, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spending excessive
time
Use synonyms
 in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
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, but watching it for
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and for entertainment is not bad.
Submitted by dhillonharsh190 on

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Task Response
Ensure a more balanced discussion. While the essay argues both for and against 24-hour TV broadcasting, it seems to favor one side more strongly, which could be enhanced by more balanced reasoning and evidence for the opposing view as well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrases could be refined. Phrases like 'mass population', 'silver screen is very addictive', and 'increase in sleep disorders' could be expressed more fluidly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The main points are well-supported with reasoning and examples, enhancing the argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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