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Band 5.5

In some countries, TV programmes are transmitted throughout the day and night. Some people think that 24-hour transmission has positive impact, while others believe it is negative. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #tv #programmes #night #people #-hour #transmission #impact
These days
mostly
Correct your spelling
most of
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of some countries have eyesight problems and sleep disorders, which raises the inclination of people towards the belief that TV programmes should not be telecasted 24/7. Others,
however
, including
I
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
, harbour the thought that TV shows should be transmitted throughout the
day
 and night. To address why
24 hour
Add a hyphen
24-hour
show examples
 TV broadcasting is good, it is crucial to fathom two factors: more variety and flexibility.
Initially
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 television programs
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 just running in the
day
Correct your spelling
daytime
show examples
time
,
due to
 which there was not much variety available.
While now
Correct word choice
Now
show examples
 with
all
Add a hyphen
all-day
show examples
day
 and
all night
Add a hyphen
all-night
show examples
 telecasting, everyone has access to more
selection
Fix the agreement mistake
selections
show examples
. What is the significance of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
 aspect? Nowadays,
mass
Add an article
the mass
show examples
 population is working in shifts i.e
day
, afternoon and night, so if a
pragram
Correct your spelling
program
 is transmitted in
day
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
time
 it would not
possible
Add a missing verb
be possible
show examples
 for a
day
-shift worker to watch it. The cynics of the aforementioned notion,
on the other hand
, oppose the view; they are of the opinion that the harmful blue light emitted from the screen of the television damages the
cornia
Correct your spelling
cornea
corner
 of the eye causing visual impairments
such
 as myopia and hypermetropia.
Secondly
, they believe that
silver
Correct article usage
the silver
show examples
 screen is very addictive and people are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
clock
Correct article usage
the clock
show examples
while
siting
Correct your spelling
sitting
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infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of it,
as well as
 there is
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in sleep disorders and consumption of sleeping pills as compared to past decades.
Overall
, indeed, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spending excessive
time
 in front of
television
Add an article
the television
a television
show examples
, but watching it for
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
time
 and for entertainment is not bad.
Submitted by dhillonharsh190 on

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Task Response
Ensure a more balanced discussion. While the essay argues both for and against 24-hour TV broadcasting, it seems to favor one side more strongly, which could be enhanced by more balanced reasoning and evidence for the opposing view as well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some grammatical errors and awkward phrases could be refined. Phrases like 'mass population', 'silver screen is very addictive', and 'increase in sleep disorders' could be expressed more fluidly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The main points are well-supported with reasoning and examples, enhancing the argument's credibility.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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