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Writing Samples /
Band 5

International communities should act immediately to ensure that all countries reduce their consumption of fossil fuels, e.g. gas and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#communities #act #countries #consumption #fuels #e #g #gas #oil
Mankind
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
relying
Wrong verb form
relied
show examples
 mainly on fossil
fuels
, in order to, meet their
energy
 needs for domestic and commercial purposes
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient times.
However
, a few
people
advocates
Change the verb form
advocate
show examples
 that international bodies must insist countries
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
look for other options for their
energy
 needs. But, I do not agree with
this
 notion to a much extent and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, those who are in favour of
this
 trend assert that it could help to reduce the effects of global warming. In fact, the atmospheric temperature of the earth has been on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rise, because of the increased air pollution
due to
burning
Correct article usage
the burning
show examples
 of fossil
fuels
such
 as coal and oil.
For example
,
according to
 a study, about 18
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution is caused by
burning
Correct article usage
the burning
show examples
 of
fuels
 from vehicles and domestic activities.
Therefore
, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wise to reduce the consumption of fossil
fuels
.
On the other hand
, those who are against
this
 notion opine that practically it is not possible, because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of awareness among the
people
 of different nations. Indeed, common
people
 know very little about new
energy
 sources
such
 as Solar
energy
, Wind
energy
,
Correct word choice
and Hydro-electric
show examples
Hydro-electric
Correct your spelling
hydroelectric energy
show examples
Energy
.
Moreover
, they possess less knowledge about the installation and working of these sources.
Hence
, a few countries would not stop using oil and gas as
fuels
. Adding more to it,
carbon free
Add a hyphen
carbon-free
show examples
energy
 generation technologies are expensive to purchase. As a matter of fact, these new substitutes
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
energy
 generation are developed and operated by the developed countries mainly, but under-developed nations cannot afford
this
 technology. To illustrate, in India,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 has asked
people
 to install
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Solar panels on their rooftops to generate their own electricity, but
people
 are unable to buy them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Solar panels are expensive.
Therefore
, it is a troublesome task to shift
people
 from using fossil
fuels
.
To sum up
, undoubtedly, pressing environmental issues like global warming could be tackled to some extent with
this
 change, but individual acceptance and cost
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 are the main obstacles in the way of
this
 change.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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task response
Provide a clearer stance in the introduction to outline your position on the issue more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure throughout, with each idea clearly linked to the next.
task response
Consider elaborating on certain points, such as the environmental benefits of reducing fossil fuel usage, to fully achieve the task.
task response
The essay addresses the main prompt and offers balanced views both in favor and in opposition to the statement.
task response
Your examples, such as the study on air pollution and the solar panel situation in India, effectively illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next, and there is a clear introduction and conclusion.

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