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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the percentages of children from four countries taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of children from four countries taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentages #children #four #countries #part #kinds #activities #information #features #comparisons
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The bar
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the proportion of kids from two Asian and two African
countries
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, participating in four types of activities in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2018. From the
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 it is visible that
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of activities
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 quite equal among the
children
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 in all
countries
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. Studying the bar
chart
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 in more
detailed
Replace the word
detail
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, it can be clearly seen that computer games
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular activity in all four
countries
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 (from 40 per
cent
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 of
children
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 in China to 60 per
cent
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 of
children
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 in Nigeria). In opposite, reading was the least popular activity among
children
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 in Malaysia,
China
Correct word choice
and China
show examples
, with 20 per
cent
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 and 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
children
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 respectively, and with 10 per
cent
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 of
children
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 in Nigeria and Sudan. 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
children
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 in all
countries
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their leisure time watching TV.
Popularity
Add an article
The popularity
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 of board games varied from 20 to 30 percent among the
countries
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. In conclusion, the bar
chart
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 shows that the most popular activity among
children
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 in all
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 was computer games
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 reading was the least popular spending of leisure time.
Submitted by rasav on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, countries, children, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • bar chart
  • percentage
  • activity
  • comparison
  • trends
  • cultural preferences
  • notable differences
  • popular
  • least popular
  • indoor activities
  • outdoor activities
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