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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Governments and big companies should work together to reverse environmental damage, rather than expecting individuals to take responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #companies #work #damage #individuals #responsibility
Nowadays the
problems
 related to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 increasing at an alarming rate,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 is hard for a common human being to tackle or solve these
problems
,
thus
, some people think,
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
order
 to solve the environmental
issues
 big
corporations
 and higher authorities should take charge.
Although
 it is the first responsibility of ordinary people to take small steps towards these
problems
 to fix them, large changes can only be possible if law and big companies come forward to heal the natural fields,
therefore
 I completely agree with
this
 statement. Without a doubt, it is the first duty of a good citizen to be
eco friendly
Add a hyphen
eco-friendly
show examples
 to solve the
problems
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental damages,
such
 as in
order
 to mitigate air pollution, using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public transport, carpooling, usage of electric vehicles, these kinds of several steps can provide support to resolving
issues
 like air pollutions, but is
this
 enough or sufficient to beat these
problems
? No, these actions are not even 10% of solving the
problems
.
For instance
, studies published by DR. NEHRU, in 2016 , in India main reasons behind environmental damage are the big
corporations
 and loopholes in the rules and regulations by states.Moving
further
, even if ordinary people have
Correct article usage
the authorities
show examples
authorities
Fix the agreement mistake
authority
show examples
 to do so they can not solve these
problems
 as they do not have both resources and time , they are already hectic with their daily routines and responsibilities. In
order
 to solve these
issues
 at a large scale or effect , Big companies and governments need to participate in solving
this
 battle . As they can bring both authority and money which way these
problems
 can effectively reversed ,
For instance
, Big
corporations
 can bring the money which can be used to build up Non-profit organisations that would be truly dedicated towards these
issues
 , government can fill the loopholes that are in the law which are
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
 the environment, imposed some strict rules that are in the favour of nature.
To conclude
,
although
 it is not possible for the public to fix the environmental
issues
 as they lack time and resources , they can contribute by taking small precautions in favour of nature,
however
, in
order
 to mitigate these serious
issues
 timely manner is not possible if the government and big
corporations
 do not take charge of
this
 as they have full resources and power to solve environmental damages
Submitted by amarbatth367 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in sentence structure and vocabulary. Occasionally, the sentence structures are too similar or the vocabulary becomes repetitive.
task achievement
Include more precise examples and data to support your points. The connection between the thesis and supporting examples should be clearer.
introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly outlines your stance and paves the way for the argument you develop in the essay.
task achievement
You presented a good argument about the role of governments and corporations in addressing environmental issues, which directly addresses the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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