Some people think that the main purposes of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
people believe that Correct article usage
apply
schools
play a significant role in terms of providing them to be a
reasonable Correct article usage
apply
citizen
or employees, Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
instead
of having personal effects. In my opinion, if schools
follow the logical policy, it could be possible and I agree with that.
First of all, having a literacy generation brings so many benefits for both individuals and society, and it is observed that,
the Remove the comma
apply
schools
caused that. Children spend most of their time in schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
the
variety of skills, Correct article usage
a
such
as academic subjects or some attitudes, which are beneficial for their own life
and their future career. So, when they use these skills in their private life
it shows that they can use them in
outdoors. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, in schools
children learn how they have discipline so it will help them in themselves Add a comma
schools,
life
and private life
.
In addition
, a successful person in a
society can improve his career Remove the article
apply
with
making lots of friends and Change preposition
by
also
find
good job opportunities which bring personal satisfaction Wrong verb form
finding
of
his own Change preposition
to
life
. Also
, schools
should aim to benefit individuals by addressing their personal growth and their interests by providing
them Verb problem
helping
to
find their real passions. Fix the infinitive
apply
For example
, programs in arts, sports, or psychology often help youngsters to explore to get chance
in Correct article usage
a chance
sense
of pleasure.
In conclusion, I Correct article usage
a sense
defiantly
agree that the main reasons Rephrase
definitely
of
Change preposition
for
schools
are providing
students to be Wrong verb form
to provide
a
successful Correct article usage
apply
citizen
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
Add a missing verb
having Privat
Privat
lives, but they Correct your spelling
private
are connect
together and they can support each Change the verb form
are connected
other’s
Change the noun form
others
other
with
following good structures in Change preposition
by
schools
.Submitted by writing9.pry221 on
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coherence cohesion
Enhance logical coherence by clearly connecting ideas throughout the essay. Ensure the structure is more evident by using linking phrases and transitions.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your stance more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion. Make sure the conclusion summarizes key points effectively and reinforces your position.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more comprehensive supporting examples and explanations. Address counterarguments to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Strive to organize ideas clearly. Use distinct paragraphs for each main point and supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents a general view of the topic and states your position.
task achievement
The essay discusses how schools can benefit individuals and society, addressing the main prompt effectively.
task achievement
Examples such as programs in arts and sports help illustrate points about individual growth.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite