IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Is it a good thing if senior management workers in a company get a much higher salary than other workers in same company.Do you agree or disagree?

#management #workers #company #salary
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Quite often it can be seen that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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senior
management
employees
 in companies get a much higher salary than other
workers
 in the same
company
. There might be different opinions,
if
Change preposition
on if
show examples
 it is a good thing or not. Both views are presented below. On the one hand, senior
workers
 usually have
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 level of responsibility in the
company
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most cases, it requires more experience, more decision-making skills and even more working hours,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to the other
employees
.
In addition
, these
employees
 have bigger pressure from the upper
management
 to reach the raised targets, so the job is most likely more
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
.
Moreover
, good decisions that are made by higher-level
workers
, lead to a higher profitability of the
company
.
Therefore
, it is logical that senior
management
 roles receive higher salaries.
On the other hand
, other
employees
 in the same
company
 give added value to the employer as well. Without mid-level
workers
Add a comma
workers,
show examples
 companies cannot survive either. But responsibility and stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 significantly lower than for their more senior level colleagues. That's why salaries are different for those types of
workers
.
However
, different companies might have various motivational systems for mid-level
employees
,
for instance
, based on their work results or for reaching raised goals.
Such
 types of promotions may motivate other
workers
, and
in
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 they can earn more. In my opinion, it is a good thing that senior
management
employees
 in a
company
 get a much higher salary than other
workers
 in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
company
. I think that higher responsibilities and longer working hours should be rewarded appropriately.
Submitted by rasav on

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between some sections to enhance cohesiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay features a logical structure with each paragraph serving its purpose.
Task Achievement
Main arguments are well understood and supported by general reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • hierarchy
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • strategic decision-making
  • leadership
  • attraction
  • retention
  • highly skilled
  • experienced professionals
  • motivation
  • reward
  • experience
  • contributions
  • inequality
  • morale
  • productivity
  • performance-driven
  • compensation
  • pay gap
  • result-oriented
What to do next:
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