IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The charts illustrate percentages of online shopping
sales
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 in New Zealand and are divided into four retail categories over two different years: 2003 and 2013. The sector that has seen the highest rise
is
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in
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 film and music, which has increased its
sales
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percentage
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 from 21% to 33%. Another positive trend,despite a lower increase in
percentage
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, has been experienced by books, which reached 22% in 2013 starting from 19% in 2003.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, travel and clothes saw approximately the same negative trend, indeed their
sales
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 have lost respectively 7% and 8%. So, the travel sector, which had the highest
sales
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percentage
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 in 2003, was in 2013 in second place, right behind film and music. In summary, from the charts, it can be seen that the sectors which are linked with culture and education, like books film and music, saw a rise in their
sales
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percentage
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,
while
Linking Words
 the other sectors experienced a drop.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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