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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
It is believed that products which contain high levels of sugar should cost more in order to start the reduction in consumption of them
,
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apply
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 since most of these very products often result in some serious diseases.
This
 essay will analyze both outcomes of employing and not employing
such
 a change and present my own opinion on
this
 issue.
Firstly
, despite the fact that the actual implementation of
this
 very idea can lead to positive consequences, some detrimental drawbacks may occur. The increase in prices may entail discontent since people can no longer afford their beloved sweets.
For instance
, a recent study showed that people underestimate the importance of a balanced healthy diet in today's digital age, which is depicted in their readiness to risk their lives for pleasure.
On the other hand
, I do not think it is necessary to apply
such
 an invention to our modern world. I am a firm believer that people should be aware of possible dangers themselves and only they are responsible for the actions they do and
further
 decline in their health. In conclusion,
although
 many health problems are caused by artificially manufactured food
due to
 its abundance of sugar and sweeteners, I truly consider that
this
 implementation is not necessary.
Submitted by shermadovs on

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task response
To improve your task response score, make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points. You could consider including factual information or studies regarding how taxation or increased prices have led to reduced consumption in other areas, like tobacco or alcohol.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim to develop your supporting points more thoroughly. You can improve by explaining further why people might oppose or support the idea of making sugary products more expensive.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purposes well, engaging the reader and summarizing your viewpoint effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning from start to finish.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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