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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graphs below show how people in a European city reached their office and got back home in 1959 and 2009 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show how people in a European city reached their office and got back home in 1959 and 2009 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #people #european #city #office #home #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie
chartes
Correct your spelling
charts
chart
compares
Correct subject-verb agreement
compare
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 five types of vehicles which were used by people to do their daily
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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1959
Change preposition
in 1959
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 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the average distance increased in 2009 , the duration decreased
according to
Linking Words
the
Remove the article
apply
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it, because of the modern technologies and it is obvious that other types of transportation were used by few people to reach work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the dominant vehicle was
foot
Add an article
a foot
the foot
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 in 1959,
while
Linking Words
 it was
car
Add an article
a car
the car
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 in 2010. To look at details,the main transport was
foot
Add an article
a foot
the foot
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 in 1959 with 55%,
although
Linking Words
 it dropped to 25% in 2009.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using the train and the bus to travel followed similar patterns and almost remained stable
in
Change preposition
for
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 two years
with
Change preposition
at
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 15%.
In addition
Linking Words
, despite the fact that only 5% of the citizens went to workplaces with other vehicles in 1959 , the number of people who used other transportation went up by 12% in 2009.
However
Linking Words
, individuals were less likely to use
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 as vehicles in 1959, with the contribution of new invention, it went up by 25%.
Submitted by znezerli209 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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