IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

International tourism has greatly benefited many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and environment. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#tourism #places #time #concern #impact #inhabitants #environment
Loads of venues have
been
Unnecessary verb
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enormously benefitted from
tourism
,
however
, there is a very big concern
on
Change preposition
about
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 its impacts on local citizens and the ecology.
Tourism
 may be considered a good thing, because of its potential advantages on the economy. That sphere raises
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
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 of the
country
, providing more money for the National Fund.
For example
, several nations raised the value of their national currency by developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
.
Moreover
,
tourism
 may
also
 affect the local
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
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 welfare by offering more job opportunities and promoting local industries.
For instance
, a lot of
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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 companies have succeeded only because of the increase in
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of tourists.
On the other hand
,
tourism
 may be bad for the local environment, as it may cause some
pollution related
Add a hyphen
pollution-related
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 problems.
For example
, countries like Egypt with a very high
tourists
Change the noun form
tourist
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 flow
had
Wrong verb form
have been
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 disadvantaged
from
Change preposition
by
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 it, polluting all their natural destinations
possible
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
tourism
 is not good for
overall
Add an article
the overall
show examples
 development of the nation, as it may make
country
Add an article
the country
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 highly dependent on
tourism
, lowering demand for other spheres
,
Correct word choice
and, therefore
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therefore
, supply rates of several other products
either
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
For instance
, if the
country
 decides to pay more attention to
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
 sphere, other
fields
Change noun form
fields'
field's
show examples
 growth may be lowered because of it.
While
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry may be good for the National Fund of the
country
, and for locals, it may
also
 have some implicit issues, like those which are related to pollution, and sustainable development of the
country
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide a clearer balance or a stronger stance on whether the advantages truly outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that ideas flow more logically by using linking words and phrases. This can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages of tourism, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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