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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Human activity has damaged the environment all around the world. Some people think that humans cannot stop damaging the planet where as other believe that we can alter our behaviour and prevent future damage. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#activity #environment #world #people #humans #planet #behaviour #future #damage
Human activity poses
threat
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a threat
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 to the global environment, owing to which a few
people
ponders
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ponder
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 that because of
spur
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the spur
a spur
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 in population and lower literacy
rate
Add a comma
rate,
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this
 effect can not be stopped.
However
,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
accord
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in accord
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 with the other part of society
as per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whom
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
an improvement
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 could happen
by
Change preposition
through
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cummulative
Correct your spelling
cumulative
 efforts of the government and the educational institutes, which could prevent devastation in the future. The opponents of the notion
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 it to be an irreversible loss because of two main reasons. The first and foremost is
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 in population per square capita, leading to
hike
Correct article usage
a hike
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 in the demand
of
Change preposition
for
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vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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 and land,
as a consequence
 of which more pressure is exerted on the ecosystem resulting in the destruction.
For example
, the declaration of poor air quality in Delhi in
year
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the year
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 2024, because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 usage of automobiles is a testament
of
Change preposition
to
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this
 scenario.
Adding
Wrong verb form
Additionally
show examples
further
, there are many places where the literacy rate is below average,
people
Correct word choice
and people
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 in those areas might not be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 the prevailing environmental crisis.
As a result
,
this
 situation could remain unaltered.
However
, I, agree with
other part
Change the wording
another part
other parts
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 of society that affirms efforts should be made on the political and educational levels to
wittness
Correct your spelling
witness
 change.
Firstly
, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should promote environmental awareness in the areas of low literacy by conducting free camps, seminars or creating dramas so that
people
 could become familiar
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
do's
Change noun form
dos
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 and
dont's
Correct your spelling
don'ts
.
Secondly
, if
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 education becomes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part and parcel of the school curriculum, children would gain knowledge from
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 starting years, which could be
fruitfull
Correct your spelling
fruitful
fruitfully
 in the long run.
For instance
, one of my younger cousins, who has
this
 subject in his academics often tells his father to walk for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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shorter distances
instaed
Correct your spelling
instead
 of taking
Add an article
the motor
a motor
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motor bike
Correct your spelling
motorbike
show examples
.
Thus
, these two steps can assist in navigating towards the good
reformations
Fix the agreement mistake
reformation
show examples
 among the
people
. In conclusion,
although
, some natives
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that
environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 damage
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be
haulted
Correct your spelling
halted
faulted
 because of
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 population and
Correct article usage
the prevailance
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prevailance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
prevailing
 of
iiliteracy
Correct your spelling
illiteracy
literacy
,
however
, I, firmly ponder that if the governmental organisations and educational platforms adhere together, the change is assured to happen.
Submitted by plkkhati on

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are supported with more specific examples. For instance, while you did mention a case in Delhi, try providing additional data or statistics to bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences in your essay are complex and can be made clearer. Try splitting them into simpler sentences or use punctuation to enhance readability.
general language
Revise grammatical inaccuracies, especially the misuse of verb forms and articles, e.g., "a few people ponders" should be "a few people ponder."
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion by considering both perspectives, which is essential for a complete task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay clearly state your position, which aids in leaving a lasting impression on the reader.
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